ɪɴʙᴏx [ᴇxᴘɪᴀᴛɪᴏɴ]

[chemex]

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[murderingjustice]

[Luckily, it has started to grow numb around the swollen area, but it's still sore enough to make him bite down his lip.]

No, Akira. I don't know what it looks like. [His voice is dry and cold. He knows what you're implying here and he doesn't like it.]

Why don't you tell me.

[chemex]

[He glowers, shaking his head with a roll of his eyes. Just to be a prick, he gently presses Akechi's broken finger between his own thumb and forefinger before leaving his hand flat for Akechi's to rest on or be removed.]

Torture, asshole.

[murderingjustice]

[Akechi hisses sharply at the sudden pressure as a hot pain flares up. And once Akira's done he withdraws his hand, giving him angry glare.]

Fuck you. Just because you got beaten up by some bastards doesn't mean this is the same.

[chemex]

God.

[He rubs his hands over his face roughly, sighing, and leaves his hands there a while. When he moves them, he looks tired, and doesn't make eye contact.] What do you want, Akechi? If we're done fighting and you're just gonna be a brat, maybe you ought to just go back to the Inn and rest. [He's certainly acting like a toddler in need of a nap.]

[murderingjustice]

[Alright, that was a low blow and even Akechi knows it. It's like there's this unspoken rule between them about not to talk what happened inside the integration room before Sae interrupted the officers. It's neatly placed right next to the subject called Shido.

But Akira raises a good question. What does he want. The fight has already left him, the fire's burnt out and he feels so beaten. Going back to the inn is the logical solution. At least there he could try to see if he could get a better medical attention than what he was able to give himself.]

I don't want your pity.

[chemex]

[He reaches into his own hair and pulls, seething.]

It's not-- Akechi. After all this time, do you honestly think me giving a shit is pity?

[murderingjustice]

[Akechi stares at Akira, taken a back by that outburst. Opens his mouth to answer him but then closes it, looking away.

He honestly doesn't know what to think of it... of this, whatever Akira is offering him. So he stays quiet.]

[chemex]

[He reaches out and takes Akechi's wrists, gently.]

It's not. Okay? It's not, and it never has been, and I just want to give a damn and be in your life and you make it so hard. [His voice is very small, and tired, and strained. He's too tenacious to give up but God does Akechi make it seem like the far, far easier option.]

[murderingjustice]

[He stays silent. Gaze slowly lowering to their hands and blinks. Akira isn't only one here who is feeling tired and small. Worse than that, Akechi doesn't feel like himself anymore. Not in this place, where he has no goal or course of action. He's aimless and lost.

Things were never this hard between him and Akira, were they? Their relationship had never been good or healthy but they knew where they stood and what their dynamic is. Here, in Aldrip, they don't even have that. And Akechi hates it. He hates being like this, weak and powerless. Looking for Akira constantly.]

I hate it here. [He eventually says, sounding so empty to match Akira's own exhaustion.]

[chemex]

[It hurts, actually. That Akechi is so out of sorts without a revenge bender to focus on, without something to kill, that they don't even know who or what they are. That he can't just-- fix it, like he's supposed to. That Akechi would absolutely rather go back to a reality where he's dead than deal with Akira's incompetence to make them a functional pair of rivals. Even a functional pair of friends.]

[His expression twists up and he shifts, abruptly, standing and throwing his head back to holler at the sky, hands balled into the fabric of his jeans. The sound breaks off and dies after a much shorter amount of time than Akechi's, and it wasn't half as loud, but-- Coming from Akira, it's a lot. He's breathing like he's just run a marathon when he looks back down, face screwed up like his stomach hurts.] Can I take you back to the Inn? Someone should set your finger.

[murderingjustice]

[Akira's hurt.

Akechi doesn't lift his gaze from the ground when he sits up and lets out a scream that feels like a punch to his gut. No, that's not right. More than that it awakens something in him, a terrible feeling that gnaws on his insides, grind and then spit out. When was last time he was here? Fearing for someone else's hurt. It's reminds him of the feeling that he believed he had left in his childhood. Moments frozen in time, abandoned and forgotten.

Fuck.

He doesn't mean to withdraw to himself but that's just what he does. Back curling and hands forms weak fists. Fuck, fuck fuck.]

Akira. [He says after a moment of silence and closes his eyes, trying to make sense of the insensible. His lips are parted as he breathes out, words forming on top of his tongue.] What do you want of me?

[chemex]

For you to let someone look at your finger and set it properly, [His voice is still quiet, his lungs constricting like they're filling with water. The question is so much bigger than Right Now, and he knows it, but he doesn't know how to answer it in a way he's sure won't just push Akechi away.]

[What does he want? He wants to be close to him. He wants to be his friend, spend time with him like normal teenagers. Wants to forget that they're both astronomically fucked up and can probably never have that, even just for a minute. He just-- wants, and he doesn't usually want things for himself, and he's realizing that when he does, it's never a good idea.]

[murderingjustice]

[For a while nothing happens. Akechi stays quiet on the ground, eyes closed and breathing slowly, fists closing and opening. Akira's right that the meaning behind his question is much bigger and deeper than that, but he doesn't blame him for not being able to give him the answer he needs. Is there even an answer that would satisfy him? Maybe not. See? This is why the only acceptable reality is one where he's dead.

Despite his distaste to be referred as part of the Phantom Thieves, he now finds himself looking for the guidance from their leader. (Oh, he'll be sure to hate himself just a little more for it later, don't worry!) The strategy he suggests is a sensible one. One. Get up. Two. Go back to Inn. Three. Fix the finger. Four. Rest. Five. Profit??

Ok. They should go with that.

Letting out a heavy sigh Akechi nods and scrambles back up to his feet. See? Normal human behavior.]

Let's do that, then.

[chemex]

[He clicks his jaw shut and stands still, flexing his own fingers at his sides.]

Yeah. [He doesn't meet Akechi's eyes, when he looks up, leaning in the direction of the Inn and seeing if he should take the lead or let Akechi go first.]

[murderingjustice]

[Akechi stands there, looking at Akira's awkward pose and indecisiveness. One deep breath later he takes the first step and begins to walk towards the Inn.]

You don't have to come with me.

[chemex]

[He stops, having taken an immediate step after him, and just goes still.]

...right. [If he's suddenly making even the sound of his breathing inaudible, don't worry about it!]

[murderingjustice]

[Akechi, too, stops and looks over his shoulder at Akira.

It's... ridiculous, really. He had said that, offering Akira an out from this situation that caused both of them so much anxiety. Yet, he doesn't want him to leave. Not because of his physical injuries but because of that beast still lurking within him, threatening tear him apart from inside out. Goro Akechi who's always the first one to push others away from his own little island, is almost desperate for Akira's presence.

An ugly realization raises to surface. But he doesn't have energy to put it into words. No tools to do it when he's so close of crashing down on the hard floor.]

You--, no never mind. [He shakes his head lightly and continues walking, whether Akira decides to follow or not.]

[chemex]

I-- Akechi,

[It's impulsive, it's stupid, and he shouldn't act on it, but something in him feels like it's physically cracked under the pressure he keeps swallowing down and refusing to display. He takes three quick steps to catch up, and closes his hand loosely around Akechi's wrist.]

I want to be part of something that makes you want to live. [His voice is small, panicked-- He should stop there, it's already too much to say, but the words just tumble out of him in a rush, and he forgets to breathe between them. He does, however, let go of his wrist, in favor of both his hands curling up toward his chest.] I want-- to be part of your life, and the fact that you want so badly to go back to a reality where you're dead is-- it's awful, and I hate it, and that's so selfish of me and I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[murderingjustice]

[And here it comes. The part that he wishes he didn't have to hear. There had been a reason why he hadn't originally wanted to Akira to know what taking down Maruki truly meant for him. He knew that it would affect his decision making. Well, if anything the madman had been thorough with his planning, turning each stone and conducting a trap for his patient. Even someone like Akechi agrees that it was unusual and cruel.

But so was he, for demanding Akira to go through it. He's cruel even now with expecting Akira to pull the figurative plug when the time came to it.

Because what else is there for him left? The only goal he can see for himself right now is to look a way to escape from this world. More he spent here the more difficult he found things to be, he's no longer in touch with himself and who he's supposed to be. Honestly, Dazai had been a refreshing breeze in his life. Something to hate and focus his rage on. But even that didn't last... which is why they both are here. Because he's no one without his hate.

Akechi brings his healthy hand to place on top of Akira's arms that wraps around his chest.]

I just remembered something. Back in Maruki's reality, right after Yoshizawa-san was taken. You were the only thing keeping from going insane.

[It would have been the worst nightmare to him. To be alone in that shitty fake-ass utopia and still remembering the truth. Without Akira there he's sure he would have eventually given up and gone on desperate suicide-mission.]

[chemex]

[He's surprised Akechi allowed the contact, let alone added his own hand to it. He doesn't relax, so much as he slumps slightly into Akechi's back, putting his face against his shoulder. The sound he makes is only very slightly like a laugh.]

I'd say I'm glad, but I'm still pretty sure we're both insane, anyway.

[He doesn't move his arms, doesn't try to recoil or hold him closer, he just... stands. Relishes the contact. The warmth. Tries to not let the creeping sense it's temporary make him shake apart.]

[murderingjustice]

[There's no more left vitriol or fire to fuel his anger in him. To say he's tired or exhausted isn't even coming near to it, last time he felt anything like this was back in the engine room where he had screamed and laid himself bare for everyone to see. Now, luckily, there was only Akira. While he doesn't lean into the touch there's no denying that... he finds it comforting. Like Akira's keeping him still from spiraling down within his head.]

Speak for yourself, idiot. [The joke does help to dissolve the previous tension, directing them towards their usual bickering.]

...Let's make another deal.

[chemex]

You can just ask me things, you know. It doesn't have to be a deal.

[He leans his head at an angle, then, looking at him.] ...let's go back to the Inn?

[murderingjustice]

That's not it. [He knows he could do just that, but using his own words and terms is just so much easier for Akechi make sense of the situation. And where they stand.

He gives Akira's arm a light squeeze, searching for what to say next.]

If... If we team up again, like in the past. And find out the ones responsible for our presence here. I won't ask you to make the decision like with Maruki, if things come to that. [It's really all he can give to Akira right now. He won't promise that he'll stop looking for a way out. But at least this way they can work themselves into each other lives without unnecessary friction.

In short: let's stay together, asshole.]

[chemex]

[He blinks. And processes the statement slowly, raising his head off his shoulder and watching him. Watching for a long time, realizing. I won't ask you to make the decision like with Maruki, he won't ask him to choose. To choose between Akechi, and the rest of the world.]

[His jaw snaps shut, and he buries his face against the back of Akechi's shoulder. He takes a few breathes, short and ragged, and nods. Eventually, quietly:] Okay.

[murderingjustice]

[The pressure on his already sore body feels uncomfortable enough to make Akechi take a deep breath, but he doesn't recoil or try move away. Instead he braces himself and finally leans back, indulging in his touch and allows himself just to be held.

Maybe, just maybe if they become a team again things will start to make sense. He won't try to push Akira away again. He can try not to do everything by himself. There's a brief recognition of the fact if he had just told the other about wanting to talk with Dazai this whole ordeal wouldn't have happened.

He's not sure if it's because of the emotional stress or his injuries, or both for that matter, that makes him feel dizzy and drained. He's pale and feeling hot.]

Let's just go back. Okay?