[he really doesn't need to bother looking at Akira's direction to know that he's just as flushed and red as he is.
Another pause, followed by another attempt to clear his throat and find his voice ]
I probably should thank you. For having enough brains for once to stop before we did something we both truly would have regretted. Don't worry, I promise to do better in future.
[He is starkly silent, outside of a few rigid motions, then-- he flicks off the burner, scoops the fish out onto two plates, and sets his spatula down all in rapid succession, pivoting quickly and marching over to Akechi. He stands over him, a severity to his expression that is somehow entirely ambiguous. Is he angry? Upset? Who knows, but there's a set to his jaw and a crease to his eyebrows that makes him very focused in whatever unreadable expression it is.]
[Akechi's head sinks in lower. The tension from yesterday is suddenly rushed back to his body, making his shoulders stiff and spine feel prickly and heavy.
No luck with Akira just laugh and letting it go. He curses his own tongue. He should just have stayed quiet and pretend not to remember a thing from his feverish mind.
He inhales deep, filling his lungs with air before speaking up.]
I don't know. [He hates the way feeling of defeat creeps to his voice. At the moment he had meant it, acted on an instinct rather than reason and logic. But now, in the light of a new day, they're once again standing in a crossroads.]
[It's like Akechi has taken his ribcage in both hands and pressed both thumbs together in the center of his sternum until it cracked, and he wheezes faintly on exhale.]
This-- Akechi this isn't something you can just turn back on me. This isn't-- [His hands work into fists, unclench, and then his shoulders drop as he leans his head back and closes his eyes at the ceiling. He speaks very quietly, directed upward, opening his eyes to stare and hope he isn't making a mistake.] ...yes, I think I did. And I'll let you make of that what you want.
[His hands curl into fists again and he spins on his heel back to the kitchen, putting rice and soup into bowls to keep them busy.]
[That response somehow manages to rouse anger within him. Okay, "somehow" is unnecessary, he's always angry and that jazz.
But how dare Akira get frustrated with him when he's actually trying his best to be honest here. To piece last nights events together into a coherent picture. Right now everything is so confusing and he doesn't know how to make sense of things. Would Akira really prefer him to lie? Tightening his grip around the thermos he lifts it and takes the last sip of the hot beverage. He lifts his head to look at the back of Akira's neck and the urge to throw the empty thermos at him is really strong.
Instead he sets it on the night stand, scuffles out of bed and walks to kitchen. His good arm snakes around Akira's waist as he pressed his own body closer from the behind, trapping him between his chest and the kitchen counter. Then, he leans to press a not-so-light kiss on the back of Akira's neck.
Yeah, he's angry. If this is what Akira wanted then fine.]
[Thank you for not concussing him with his own thermos, Akechi, that's very thoughtful of you.]
[The thing about Akira, and his specific sort of frustration, particularly with Goro Akechi, is that he isn't mad at him for his feelings, not by a long shot. And he's certainly not mad at him for his attempt at honesty, no-- it's that he's brushing it all off, that he "doesn't know", but then he pulls things like this. Like those lips on the back of his neck, like the arm around his waist, coiling around him like a viper. His shoulders pull tight, and he somehow manages to rotate in the narrow space Akechi leaves between him and the counter, tossing the spatula to land somewhere hopefully on the counter.]
Akechi, stop, what the fuck. [He puts his hands on his collar bones, pushes gently.] You're misunderstanding me again. [A beat, and the frown on his face softens.] ...no, I'm not explaining myself properly, again.
[When the struggle begins Akechi only tightens his hold on Akira, now both arms wrapping around him now. He can't really curl his injured finger properly but that doesn't stop him from grabbing on the fabric of the Yukata, pulling them just closer to fight off Akira's protests]
Why the fuck are you angry?! [He snaps at him, almost growling at him. No, Akechi doesn't get it. Is dealing with people and relationships always this frustrating?] Do you want me to whisper some fucking sweet lies to your ear? Tell you that I've wanted you this whole time or some other stupid shit?!
No, I-- Of course not! [He gives Akechi a sort of helpless expression, at that, because why would you even think that's what he wants.]
[He knows why you think that's what he wants, and he hates it even more, but he's doing absolutely everything in his power to Not Think About Maruki Takuto, thanks. He huffs softly, pushing at him again.] Let go, please. I want to talk about this-- like equals, like people, not like I'm trapping you in what you think my expectations of you are.
[The anger flashes in Akechi's face, lips pressing together into tight white line, brows knitting into a frustrated frown. Grinding his teeth together, he let's go of Akira and shoves himself off him, walking away. The urge to.. just break something is rising again.]
Then tell me. What the fuck you want?! I said I fucking don't know and I mean it. And you start pouting and acting like your feelings are offended like a child not getting his way.
I want for you to think about the question before answering reflexively. If I was pouting, it wasn't intentional, I'm just... frustrated. You answered so quickly, and then spun it back around on me, like it was an annoying interview question. [He stares down at his feet.] We have this... awful tendency to misread each other, and we're both reactive about it.
[Akechi turns his head to look away from Akira, focusing on the idle spot on the floor while chewing on his anger. His breathing is heavy and agitated, but he's not shouting or trying to instigate another altercation. Instead he stays quiet, and finally humors Akira and thinks.]
I did mean a lot of things yesterday. All of them.
['What do you want of me?'
'I want you to live.'
'Let's make a deal.'
'Don't you dare to leave.'
All the memories from last night flashes through his mind, making him lean his head on his hand.] But I still don't know what means. I don't have a satisfactory answer to you.
[It's enough-- it's more than enough, for now, that he really took the time to think about it. Akira shakes his head with a tiny quirk of his lips.]
You don't have to have a satisfactory answer, one you thought about for more than half a second is fine by me. I don't... really know what any of this means, either. I just. [A huff. Words are hard, damn it, Akechi stop making him talk so damn much.] Like I said before, I want to be part of your life. If that... winds up including kissing sometimes, I'd be okay with that. If it doesn't, that's also okay.
[He turned so red over the last portion of that statement, help him.]
[He can't help but let out a dry laughter and run his hand through his hair. What a thought! Forming one of those "friends with benefits" bonds. Or would it be rivals with benefits. Whatever, it's just as ridiculous.]
I don't think we have the luxury to be apart, Akira. Our fates are tied together whether we like it or not. [He turns to look Akira, answering his red face with somber expression ] I'm dead man walking, remember that. Entertaining any further sentimental feelings will just make it harder for you.
[Akira shakes his head immediately.] Being apart isn't a luxury, and I happen to like having a continued reason to be a pain in your ass. [Maybe literally, eventually. He purses his lips, looking up at him and holding out his hands, palms upward.]
...I'm not going to just avoid something I want because I might not have it tomorrow. [Oh.]
Damn you, Akira Kurusu. Now, excuse as Akechi plays some mental olympics in his mind as he just.. processes this. Because there is a lot in the play here, some things that reach out beyond them. He can't help but think back to Takuto Maruki and his generous offer to let them have a clean start, without being held back by their previous crimes. It's not the same as here but then again it is. He doesn't want to give that madman satisfaction of living out his fantasy elsewhere.
But then again, wouldn't that just be letting another rotten adult have a control over him, to influence his decisions.
And this time there is no surprises between Akira and him. They both know what is at the stake.
Akechi tries to swallow air but can't quite manage it. His throat feels uncomfortably tight and dry all of the sudden. There's a tingling sensation in the bottom is his stomach and that's when he realizes just how nervous he is.. Almost afraid even.
Another agonizingly slow moment passes between them before he reaches his hand out, placing it on top of Akira's.]
[Luckily for them both, Akira has endless patience in most things. Akechi is usually one of the things he is most patient with, because he knows how much courting him-- be it romantically or just for his time, really --is akin to being around a wild animal. He has to give him time, earn his trust, and it isn't something given lightly.]
[So when his fingers curl around Akechi's hand, Akira's smile is warm, his whole face crinkling up with it.] I know. [He squeezes his fingers and pulls him forward, gently.] Now, breakfast.
[Really, if it wasn't for Akira's endless patience they wouldn't have gotten this far. They would most likely be back in the starting point, frustrated and bitter at each other.
This time Akechi answers to Akira's touch, twitching so that their fingers are intertwined, giving him a small reassuring squeeze. He allows himself to be pulled back in, forehead leaning against Akira's.]
[It's a lot to navigate, when Akechi is so vicious about things one moment, but relatively sweet and allowing gentle contact the next. At least he'll always be kept on his toes, pursuing this. Chuckling, he recedes from where their foreheads reach in favor of turning back to the plates, hovering his hands over each for a moment.]
Not piping hot, but warm enough, I think. [He turns and offers Akechi a plate.]
[It's simple, and specifically kept mild since Akechi had been running a fever-- Akira couldn't be too sure if his stomach would be testy as a furthered side effect from the broken finger, sometimes bodies did weird shit in response to an injury. He shrugs, taking his own plate and following.]
It's super basic, and won't be half as flavorful as curry, but.
[That might as well be a smart choice. Although, given his difficult relationship with the food Akechi won't be minding the more bland food. He's gonna eat whatever you serve him.]
I'm almost surprised you haven't signed up to work at one of the local coffee shops. [They could use Akira's expertise, but he's not going to bloat his ego any further.]
Is that the way you approached your countless other part-time jobs?
[he waits for the rice and soup to be placed on the table, and Akira to join him before picking up the chopsticks with his right hand. He murmurs the polite "thanks for the food" and starts picking at his fish.]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2023-05-13 02:10 am (UTC)That wasn't very far from happening. [he mumbles the joke back at him, carefully running his hand through his hair.]
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Date: 2023-05-13 02:12 am (UTC)I... oh. [Slowly, from beneath the collar of his yukata, his neck up and out to his ears flushes scarlet.]
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Date: 2023-05-13 02:22 am (UTC)Another pause, followed by another attempt to clear his throat and find his voice ]
I probably should thank you. For having enough brains for once to stop before we did something we both truly would have regretted. Don't worry, I promise to do better in future.
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Date: 2023-05-14 01:22 am (UTC)Did you mean it?
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Date: 2023-05-14 01:36 am (UTC)No luck with Akira just laugh and letting it go. He curses his own tongue. He should just have stayed quiet and pretend not to remember a thing from his feverish mind.
He inhales deep, filling his lungs with air before speaking up.]
I don't know. [He hates the way feeling of defeat creeps to his voice. At the moment he had meant it, acted on an instinct rather than reason and logic. But now, in the light of a new day, they're once again standing in a crossroads.]
Did you?
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Date: 2023-05-14 02:02 am (UTC)This-- Akechi this isn't something you can just turn back on me. This isn't-- [His hands work into fists, unclench, and then his shoulders drop as he leans his head back and closes his eyes at the ceiling. He speaks very quietly, directed upward, opening his eyes to stare and hope he isn't making a mistake.] ...yes, I think I did. And I'll let you make of that what you want.
[His hands curl into fists again and he spins on his heel back to the kitchen, putting rice and soup into bowls to keep them busy.]
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Date: 2023-05-14 02:22 am (UTC)But how dare Akira get frustrated with him when he's actually trying his best to be honest here. To piece last nights events together into a coherent picture. Right now everything is so confusing and he doesn't know how to make sense of things. Would Akira really prefer him to lie? Tightening his grip around the thermos he lifts it and takes the last sip of the hot beverage. He lifts his head to look at the back of Akira's neck and the urge to throw the empty thermos at him is really strong.
Instead he sets it on the night stand, scuffles out of bed and walks to kitchen. His good arm snakes around Akira's waist as he pressed his own body closer from the behind, trapping him between his chest and the kitchen counter. Then, he leans to press a not-so-light kiss on the back of Akira's neck.
Yeah, he's angry. If this is what Akira wanted then fine.]
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Date: 2023-05-15 12:48 am (UTC)[The thing about Akira, and his specific sort of frustration, particularly with Goro Akechi, is that he isn't mad at him for his feelings, not by a long shot. And he's certainly not mad at him for his attempt at honesty, no-- it's that he's brushing it all off, that he "doesn't know", but then he pulls things like this. Like those lips on the back of his neck, like the arm around his waist, coiling around him like a viper. His shoulders pull tight, and he somehow manages to rotate in the narrow space Akechi leaves between him and the counter, tossing the spatula to land somewhere hopefully on the counter.]
Akechi, stop, what the fuck. [He puts his hands on his collar bones, pushes gently.] You're misunderstanding me again. [A beat, and the frown on his face softens.] ...no, I'm not explaining myself properly, again.
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Date: 2023-05-15 01:00 am (UTC)Why the fuck are you angry?! [He snaps at him, almost growling at him. No, Akechi doesn't get it. Is dealing with people and relationships always this frustrating?] Do you want me to whisper some fucking sweet lies to your ear? Tell you that I've wanted you this whole time or some other stupid shit?!
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Date: 2023-05-15 01:17 am (UTC)[He knows why you think that's what he wants, and he hates it even more, but he's doing absolutely everything in his power to Not Think About Maruki Takuto, thanks. He huffs softly, pushing at him again.] Let go, please. I want to talk about this-- like equals, like people, not like I'm trapping you in what you think my expectations of you are.
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Date: 2023-05-15 01:26 am (UTC)Then tell me. What the fuck you want?! I said I fucking don't know and I mean it. And you start pouting and acting like your feelings are offended like a child not getting his way.
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Date: 2023-05-15 01:45 am (UTC)I want for you to think about the question before answering reflexively. If I was pouting, it wasn't intentional, I'm just... frustrated. You answered so quickly, and then spun it back around on me, like it was an annoying interview question. [He stares down at his feet.] We have this... awful tendency to misread each other, and we're both reactive about it.
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Date: 2023-05-15 01:55 am (UTC)I did mean a lot of things yesterday. All of them.
['What do you want of me?'
'I want you to live.'
'Let's make a deal.'
'Don't you dare to leave.'
All the memories from last night flashes through his mind, making him lean his head on his hand.] But I still don't know what means. I don't have a satisfactory answer to you.
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Date: 2023-05-15 02:12 am (UTC)You don't have to have a satisfactory answer, one you thought about for more than half a second is fine by me. I don't... really know what any of this means, either. I just. [A huff. Words are hard, damn it, Akechi stop making him talk so damn much.] Like I said before, I want to be part of your life. If that... winds up including kissing sometimes, I'd be okay with that. If it doesn't, that's also okay.
[He turned so red over the last portion of that statement, help him.]
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Date: 2023-05-15 02:31 am (UTC)I don't think we have the luxury to be apart, Akira. Our fates are tied together whether we like it or not. [He turns to look Akira, answering his red face with somber expression ] I'm dead man walking, remember that. Entertaining any further sentimental feelings will just make it harder for you.
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Date: 2023-05-15 06:41 pm (UTC)...I'm not going to just avoid something I want because I might not have it tomorrow. [Oh.]
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Date: 2023-05-15 07:28 pm (UTC)Damn you, Akira Kurusu. Now, excuse as Akechi plays some mental olympics in his mind as he just.. processes this. Because there is a lot in the play here, some things that reach out beyond them. He can't help but think back to Takuto Maruki and his generous offer to let them have a clean start, without being held back by their previous crimes. It's not the same as here but then again it is. He doesn't want to give that madman satisfaction of living out his fantasy elsewhere.
But then again, wouldn't that just be letting another rotten adult have a control over him, to influence his decisions.
And this time there is no surprises between Akira and him. They both know what is at the stake.
Akechi tries to swallow air but can't quite manage it. His throat feels uncomfortably tight and dry all of the sudden. There's a tingling sensation in the bottom is his stomach and that's when he realizes just how nervous he is.. Almost afraid even.
Another agonizingly slow moment passes between them before he reaches his hand out, placing it on top of Akira's.]
I really hate you.
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Date: 2023-05-15 07:32 pm (UTC)[So when his fingers curl around Akechi's hand, Akira's smile is warm, his whole face crinkling up with it.] I know. [He squeezes his fingers and pulls him forward, gently.] Now, breakfast.
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Date: 2023-05-15 07:40 pm (UTC)This time Akechi answers to Akira's touch, twitching so that their fingers are intertwined, giving him a small reassuring squeeze. He allows himself to be pulled back in, forehead leaning against Akira's.]
Let's hope that your fish hasn't gotten cold.
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Date: 2023-05-15 07:45 pm (UTC)Not piping hot, but warm enough, I think. [He turns and offers Akechi a plate.]
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Date: 2023-05-15 07:53 pm (UTC)Let's see if your cooking skills have remained the same since the last time I had your dishes.
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Date: 2023-05-15 08:28 pm (UTC)It's super basic, and won't be half as flavorful as curry, but.
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Date: 2023-05-15 08:40 pm (UTC)I'm almost surprised you haven't signed up to work at one of the local coffee shops. [They could use Akira's expertise, but he's not going to bloat his ego any further.]
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Date: 2023-05-17 06:05 pm (UTC)[He watches Akechi's approach to the food, aiming to determine if he likes it or not-- both specific to his own cooking and the choice of things.]
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Date: 2023-05-17 11:55 pm (UTC)[he waits for the rice and soup to be placed on the table, and Akira to join him before picking up the chopsticks with his right hand. He murmurs the polite "thanks for the food" and starts picking at his fish.]
What are you looking at?
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