..if you tell anyone I'll kill them. [Words are murmured into the hug. Yeah, he's pouting a little but that's about the only protest from him. Clumsily, Goro wraps his arms around Akira's shoulders. There's a quiet yelp from him when he's seemingly effortlessly lifted from the mattress. He's one skinny bitch, true. Especially now that staying bound to bed caused him to lose some of his scarce weight.
When in air the realization hits him that.. he's never really been carried. Not in over a decade, at least. Making him to think about the woman who's choice of no longer being here deprived him from such small experiences.]
[So what you're saying is Akira really needs to stop fueling Goro's Mommy Issues, am I right? He makes his way to the bathroom with his head leaning against Goro's, carefully setting him down on the lip of the tub like he'd done when he'd first come back after being shot. He runs the bath good and hot, and in the meantime sets to clean them up.] You want me to wash your hair?
[Honestly, Goro would benefit more of being forced to talk about them rather than being allowed to withdraw to his shell like an angry tortoise. He doesn't say anything during the ride to the bathroom, focusing on keeping himself still to make it easier for Akira.
Once he's settled down he looks down at his body for the first time, seeing the dried semen plastered all around his stomach. So gross. He doesn't even want to think what the downstairs must look like.]
I washed it earlier so rinsing will do. [Which seems like silly thing for him to have done, looking back now.] Can you give me the washcloth? I want to get this mess off before we go in.
[He nods, getting a washcloth wet and putting some of Goro's body soap on it, offering it.] Do you, uh... There's no delicate way to ask this, do you need help cleaning up the less visible mess. [Do you want him to help you clean cum out of your asshole, buddy.]
[The washcloth is immediately accepted and Goro begins to wipe himself clean with it, starting from the neck. He stops briefly when Akira offers him help with the rest and frowns.]
No. I'll do it myself. [Preferably when he's alone. They're not that close yet. He continues to wash himself and decides to throw him a more playful grin.]
Though, I imagined you'd like the idea of me holding your come inside.
[His ears sear pink at the suggestion and he shrugs. He hadn't really thought about it.] ...it's a nice thought to my more possessive nature, yeah, but it probably doesn't feel great.
[He takes another cloth and wipes himself down as well, even if he'd already done so before-- the tub is meant for soaking, not bathing, as far as their Japanese sensibilities are concerned.]
It's not my favorite, no. [He agrees, moving the washcloth to clean his abdomen and crotch. For certain reasons he does pay more attention to between his legs, trying to get as much of the dried up fluids off his person as possible.] But it's not uncomfortable either, if that's what you're worried about. I'll let you experience it some other time.
['Some other time', because yes. Now that they've taken the first step Goro doesn't really see why they shouldn't keep this part of their shared life from now on. Although he senses that there is still so much talking and negotiation to be done for the future. So that they don't accidentally step beyond the invisible boundaries and how to deal with the mood drops that they both seem to be vulnerable though.]
I think the bath is done. Do you want to lower me there?
I think I'm glad for that, [With a faint grin. He's less volatile and fragile, now, but still a little less sure of himself than he typically can display, whether he truly is or not. "Some other time" is met with raised eyebrows as he skims his washcloth over himself to rinse off, shaking his head.] I dunno that receiving is for me, but I might be willing to make an exception.
[At the question, he leans close and curls his arms around Goro at the middle, holding him firmly enough to hoist him but not so much as to cause discomfort.] Swing your legs over.
We'll figure something out. [He hums in a compromise. Honestly, despite of all the complaining and display of annoyance Goro is actually quite satisfied with their roles and just how naturally they found their places in the relationship. Although.. meanwhile he doesn't mind being the one getting his ass tossed and turned, he can't deny that there isn't a part of him that would love nothing more than press Akira down and fuck his brains out.
But... That's for 'some other time'.
He follows Akira's instructions and swings his legs over the edge and into the water, allowing himself to be lowered down. Once he's settled, he leans forward -- making room for Akira to join him.]
[Times when he's like this-- uncertain and unable to hide behind bravado --he'd more than likely be happy to let Goro toss his salad. He simply has to be able to shut off the part of his brain that is so obsessed with everything being about everyone else and for once let himself be the one to get attention.]
[It would also probably help for Goro to talk it up about how much he wanted to.]
[Akira's one step ahead of him there-- rather than let go, he lowers them both into the bath and pivots so he's behind Goro, nestling in behind him with his knees drawn up so he can form a little cage around him with his arms and legs. He settles, leaning his face into the back of Goro's neck (and his hair), and sighs, seeming to finally relax for the first time in at least an hour.]
[The tub is hardly meant to hold in two people, especially someone like them who're both more on the taller side of the spectrum. But they'll make it work, like always. Goro slots right between Akira's limbs, leaning in and allowing himself to be engulfed in the warm embrace. The softness of the moment is just almost too much for him to bear. His heart feels heavy and tight when he hears Akira's breathing next to his ear.
He feels so... tame. It's almost uncharacteristic for him. Or at least that's what he thinks. Not too long ago he would rather drown Akira in the damn tub than accept this. The softness, gentle adoration.
A good moment passes when Goro doesn't say anything, slowly drawing idle pictures on Akira's arms as he lulls into the comfort and peacefulness. Heck, both of them probably need it after everything just went down. Eyes closed he finally opens his mouth.]
[He may have been dozing, just slightly, between the heat of the bath and the comfort of being tangled up in Goro from behind, but he hums at the question, lifting his head slowly and blinking his eyes open.]
Mmmn, yes and no. People make sex out to be this huge earth-shattering thing, and I've known it really isn't, but... It felt natural, in a weird way. [He hooks his chin over Goro's shoulder.] Like we're puzzle pieces meant to fit together.
The act itself isn't complicated, yes. But yet it is listed in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right in middle if I remember correctly. Sex and intimacy are mystified despite being one of the basic human needs. [So how about that wikipedia talk...] But at the same time they're tools of power and used to against destroying others. Fascinating, isn't it? The duality of it all.
[He chuckles again, nosing his way through Goro's hair to press a kiss to the side of his neck.] You're being a textbook again. [A beat, and he frowns.] That isn't meant to be taken offensively, by the way. I like it.
[He settles against him again, humming, and nods.] I think people put too much of a stigma on sex and intimacy. Like there isn't really a "right" way to do it, and you aren't more or less of a person if you do or don't have it.
Hm. Maybe you should catch up on your reading, then. [He sighs and leans his head back, craning his neck so that his throat is exposed more to Akira. He wishes he could stretch properly. He'll be sure to look into bigger tubs for their next living arrangements... Ew, is he making future plans now?]
Well yes. Those in power control the weak by labeling our needs one way or another. It's all political. [He hums quietly and goes silent for a bit again. 'Fixing' those in power were Akira's job, making the world better place one asshole at time. Not that Goro actually believed that the mess called humanity could be fixed but whatever.]
...It was more or less what I thought it be like. Aside from you looking me like that.
[He hums again, nodding.] Does it count if I ask you to read it to me? [Akira would be positively molten with happiness if he knew Goro were even remotely making plans for a future. His involvement notwithstanding, a Goro who thinks of future scenarios is a Goro hopeful of having a future. It's all he wants for him, really.]
[He wrinkles his nose as the notion of politics, and lapses into companionable silence with him.]
[He chuckles softly.] You might wanna get used to that.
You'd really listen me to read you theory of humanistic psychology? [Press x to doubt! He knows you'd fall asleep, sir. And while political sciences are interest of his they've both had enough of that world for a life time.
The silence is, oddly enough, comforting between them despite the vulnerable nature of their topic. Normally it'd Make him trash and withdraw away, warning the other to stay away. It makes Goro briefly ponder what Dazai had told him few days prior. About Akira and the light he caried. Being around a man like that will change you.
I'd listen until I fell asleep, [At least he's honest?] I like the sound of your voice.
[He opens his eyes from where he'd closed them over to rest, making piercing eye contact with Goro and smiling, slowly.] Then you'd just have to see for me.
[He wrinkles his nose and laughs, shaking his head and leaning away.] I dunno, would you? Deal or not you seemed pretty comfortable working with me again in January.
[Oh. Well, he didn't expect Akira to bring up events of the last winter now that were having fun. That's what they were doing, right? Stupid, domestic bantering that couples do. Or so it registers in Goro's brain.
He's almost jealous of the way Akira can just bring up this subject so freely, without feeling the awful pang of anxiety and anger. PSTD? Maybe, who even knows after this. There's still a lot he needs to talk to Akira about Maruki -- and about looming doom of their current situation.
But that can wait. Now he'll just splash the water at Akira properly.]
I can't remember why. I must've been really desperate. [Half-lie. As if it wasn't being with Akira that kept him sane during that time.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 02:21 pm (UTC)When in air the realization hits him that.. he's never really been carried. Not in over a decade, at least. Making him to think about the woman who's choice of no longer being here deprived him from such small experiences.]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 02:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 02:42 pm (UTC)Once he's settled down he looks down at his body for the first time, seeing the dried semen plastered all around his stomach. So gross. He doesn't even want to think what the downstairs must look like.]
I washed it earlier so rinsing will do. [Which seems like silly thing for him to have done, looking back now.] Can you give me the washcloth? I want to get this mess off before we go in.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 02:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 03:06 pm (UTC)No. I'll do it myself. [Preferably when he's alone. They're not that close yet. He continues to wash himself and decides to throw him a more playful grin.]
Though, I imagined you'd like the idea of me holding your come inside.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 03:15 pm (UTC)[He takes another cloth and wipes himself down as well, even if he'd already done so before-- the tub is meant for soaking, not bathing, as far as their Japanese sensibilities are concerned.]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 08:01 pm (UTC)['Some other time', because yes. Now that they've taken the first step Goro doesn't really see why they shouldn't keep this part of their shared life from now on. Although he senses that there is still so much talking and negotiation to be done for the future. So that they don't accidentally step beyond the invisible boundaries and how to deal with the mood drops that they both seem to be vulnerable though.]
I think the bath is done. Do you want to lower me there?
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 09:12 pm (UTC)[At the question, he leans close and curls his arms around Goro at the middle, holding him firmly enough to hoist him but not so much as to cause discomfort.] Swing your legs over.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 09:45 pm (UTC)But... That's for 'some other time'.
He follows Akira's instructions and swings his legs over the edge and into the water, allowing himself to be lowered down. Once he's settled, he leans forward -- making room for Akira to join him.]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 10:06 pm (UTC)[It would also probably help for Goro to talk it up about how much he wanted to.]
[Akira's one step ahead of him there-- rather than let go, he lowers them both into the bath and pivots so he's behind Goro, nestling in behind him with his knees drawn up so he can form a little cage around him with his arms and legs. He settles, leaning his face into the back of Goro's neck (and his hair), and sighs, seeming to finally relax for the first time in at least an hour.]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 11:09 pm (UTC)He feels so... tame. It's almost uncharacteristic for him. Or at least that's what he thinks. Not too long ago he would rather drown Akira in the damn tub than accept this. The softness, gentle adoration.
A good moment passes when Goro doesn't say anything, slowly drawing idle pictures on Akira's arms as he lulls into the comfort and peacefulness. Heck, both of them probably need it after everything just went down. Eyes closed he finally opens his mouth.]
Was it like what you thought it'd be like?
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 11:16 pm (UTC)Mmmn, yes and no. People make sex out to be this huge earth-shattering thing, and I've known it really isn't, but... It felt natural, in a weird way. [He hooks his chin over Goro's shoulder.] Like we're puzzle pieces meant to fit together.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 11:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 11:31 pm (UTC)[He settles against him again, humming, and nods.] I think people put too much of a stigma on sex and intimacy. Like there isn't really a "right" way to do it, and you aren't more or less of a person if you do or don't have it.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 11:46 pm (UTC)Well yes. Those in power control the weak by labeling our needs one way or another. It's all political. [He hums quietly and goes silent for a bit again. 'Fixing' those in power were Akira's job, making the world better place one asshole at time. Not that Goro actually believed that the mess called humanity could be fixed but whatever.]
...It was more or less what I thought it be like. Aside from you looking me like that.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 11:53 pm (UTC)[He wrinkles his nose as the notion of politics, and lapses into companionable silence with him.]
[He chuckles softly.] You might wanna get used to that.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-30 12:24 am (UTC)The silence is, oddly enough, comforting between them despite the vulnerable nature of their topic. Normally it'd Make him trash and withdraw away, warning the other to stay away. It makes Goro briefly ponder what Dazai had told him few days prior. About Akira and the light he caried. Being around a man like that will change you.
He tilts his head to the side and pouts at him.]
One day I will take your eyes.
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Date: 2023-08-30 09:05 pm (UTC)[He opens his eyes from where he'd closed them over to rest, making piercing eye contact with Goro and smiling, slowly.] Then you'd just have to see for me.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-30 10:45 pm (UTC)At the sight of that smile Goro lifts his hand from the bath and sprinkles a few droplets of water to Akira's face.]
I'll tie you to a post and leave you stranded, idiot.
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Date: 2023-08-31 12:34 am (UTC)[He wrinkles his nose and laughs, shaking his head and leaning away.] I dunno, would you? Deal or not you seemed pretty comfortable working with me again in January.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-31 12:57 am (UTC)He's almost jealous of the way Akira can just bring up this subject so freely, without feeling the awful pang of anxiety and anger. PSTD? Maybe, who even knows after this. There's still a lot he needs to talk to Akira about Maruki -- and about looming doom of their current situation.
But that can wait. Now he'll just splash the water at Akira properly.]
I can't remember why. I must've been really desperate. [Half-lie. As if it wasn't being with Akira that kept him sane during that time.]