[Times when he's like this-- uncertain and unable to hide behind bravado --he'd more than likely be happy to let Goro toss his salad. He simply has to be able to shut off the part of his brain that is so obsessed with everything being about everyone else and for once let himself be the one to get attention.]
[It would also probably help for Goro to talk it up about how much he wanted to.]
[Akira's one step ahead of him there-- rather than let go, he lowers them both into the bath and pivots so he's behind Goro, nestling in behind him with his knees drawn up so he can form a little cage around him with his arms and legs. He settles, leaning his face into the back of Goro's neck (and his hair), and sighs, seeming to finally relax for the first time in at least an hour.]
[The tub is hardly meant to hold in two people, especially someone like them who're both more on the taller side of the spectrum. But they'll make it work, like always. Goro slots right between Akira's limbs, leaning in and allowing himself to be engulfed in the warm embrace. The softness of the moment is just almost too much for him to bear. His heart feels heavy and tight when he hears Akira's breathing next to his ear.
He feels so... tame. It's almost uncharacteristic for him. Or at least that's what he thinks. Not too long ago he would rather drown Akira in the damn tub than accept this. The softness, gentle adoration.
A good moment passes when Goro doesn't say anything, slowly drawing idle pictures on Akira's arms as he lulls into the comfort and peacefulness. Heck, both of them probably need it after everything just went down. Eyes closed he finally opens his mouth.]
[He may have been dozing, just slightly, between the heat of the bath and the comfort of being tangled up in Goro from behind, but he hums at the question, lifting his head slowly and blinking his eyes open.]
Mmmn, yes and no. People make sex out to be this huge earth-shattering thing, and I've known it really isn't, but... It felt natural, in a weird way. [He hooks his chin over Goro's shoulder.] Like we're puzzle pieces meant to fit together.
The act itself isn't complicated, yes. But yet it is listed in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, right in middle if I remember correctly. Sex and intimacy are mystified despite being one of the basic human needs. [So how about that wikipedia talk...] But at the same time they're tools of power and used to against destroying others. Fascinating, isn't it? The duality of it all.
[He chuckles again, nosing his way through Goro's hair to press a kiss to the side of his neck.] You're being a textbook again. [A beat, and he frowns.] That isn't meant to be taken offensively, by the way. I like it.
[He settles against him again, humming, and nods.] I think people put too much of a stigma on sex and intimacy. Like there isn't really a "right" way to do it, and you aren't more or less of a person if you do or don't have it.
Hm. Maybe you should catch up on your reading, then. [He sighs and leans his head back, craning his neck so that his throat is exposed more to Akira. He wishes he could stretch properly. He'll be sure to look into bigger tubs for their next living arrangements... Ew, is he making future plans now?]
Well yes. Those in power control the weak by labeling our needs one way or another. It's all political. [He hums quietly and goes silent for a bit again. 'Fixing' those in power were Akira's job, making the world better place one asshole at time. Not that Goro actually believed that the mess called humanity could be fixed but whatever.]
...It was more or less what I thought it be like. Aside from you looking me like that.
[He hums again, nodding.] Does it count if I ask you to read it to me? [Akira would be positively molten with happiness if he knew Goro were even remotely making plans for a future. His involvement notwithstanding, a Goro who thinks of future scenarios is a Goro hopeful of having a future. It's all he wants for him, really.]
[He wrinkles his nose as the notion of politics, and lapses into companionable silence with him.]
[He chuckles softly.] You might wanna get used to that.
You'd really listen me to read you theory of humanistic psychology? [Press x to doubt! He knows you'd fall asleep, sir. And while political sciences are interest of his they've both had enough of that world for a life time.
The silence is, oddly enough, comforting between them despite the vulnerable nature of their topic. Normally it'd Make him trash and withdraw away, warning the other to stay away. It makes Goro briefly ponder what Dazai had told him few days prior. About Akira and the light he caried. Being around a man like that will change you.
I'd listen until I fell asleep, [At least he's honest?] I like the sound of your voice.
[He opens his eyes from where he'd closed them over to rest, making piercing eye contact with Goro and smiling, slowly.] Then you'd just have to see for me.
[He wrinkles his nose and laughs, shaking his head and leaning away.] I dunno, would you? Deal or not you seemed pretty comfortable working with me again in January.
[Oh. Well, he didn't expect Akira to bring up events of the last winter now that were having fun. That's what they were doing, right? Stupid, domestic bantering that couples do. Or so it registers in Goro's brain.
He's almost jealous of the way Akira can just bring up this subject so freely, without feeling the awful pang of anxiety and anger. PSTD? Maybe, who even knows after this. There's still a lot he needs to talk to Akira about Maruki -- and about looming doom of their current situation.
But that can wait. Now he'll just splash the water at Akira properly.]
I can't remember why. I must've been really desperate. [Half-lie. As if it wasn't being with Akira that kept him sane during that time.]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2023-08-29 10:06 pm (UTC)[It would also probably help for Goro to talk it up about how much he wanted to.]
[Akira's one step ahead of him there-- rather than let go, he lowers them both into the bath and pivots so he's behind Goro, nestling in behind him with his knees drawn up so he can form a little cage around him with his arms and legs. He settles, leaning his face into the back of Goro's neck (and his hair), and sighs, seeming to finally relax for the first time in at least an hour.]
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 11:09 pm (UTC)He feels so... tame. It's almost uncharacteristic for him. Or at least that's what he thinks. Not too long ago he would rather drown Akira in the damn tub than accept this. The softness, gentle adoration.
A good moment passes when Goro doesn't say anything, slowly drawing idle pictures on Akira's arms as he lulls into the comfort and peacefulness. Heck, both of them probably need it after everything just went down. Eyes closed he finally opens his mouth.]
Was it like what you thought it'd be like?
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 11:16 pm (UTC)Mmmn, yes and no. People make sex out to be this huge earth-shattering thing, and I've known it really isn't, but... It felt natural, in a weird way. [He hooks his chin over Goro's shoulder.] Like we're puzzle pieces meant to fit together.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 11:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 11:31 pm (UTC)[He settles against him again, humming, and nods.] I think people put too much of a stigma on sex and intimacy. Like there isn't really a "right" way to do it, and you aren't more or less of a person if you do or don't have it.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 11:46 pm (UTC)Well yes. Those in power control the weak by labeling our needs one way or another. It's all political. [He hums quietly and goes silent for a bit again. 'Fixing' those in power were Akira's job, making the world better place one asshole at time. Not that Goro actually believed that the mess called humanity could be fixed but whatever.]
...It was more or less what I thought it be like. Aside from you looking me like that.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-29 11:53 pm (UTC)[He wrinkles his nose as the notion of politics, and lapses into companionable silence with him.]
[He chuckles softly.] You might wanna get used to that.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-30 12:24 am (UTC)The silence is, oddly enough, comforting between them despite the vulnerable nature of their topic. Normally it'd Make him trash and withdraw away, warning the other to stay away. It makes Goro briefly ponder what Dazai had told him few days prior. About Akira and the light he caried. Being around a man like that will change you.
He tilts his head to the side and pouts at him.]
One day I will take your eyes.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-30 09:05 pm (UTC)[He opens his eyes from where he'd closed them over to rest, making piercing eye contact with Goro and smiling, slowly.] Then you'd just have to see for me.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-30 10:45 pm (UTC)At the sight of that smile Goro lifts his hand from the bath and sprinkles a few droplets of water to Akira's face.]
I'll tie you to a post and leave you stranded, idiot.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-31 12:34 am (UTC)[He wrinkles his nose and laughs, shaking his head and leaning away.] I dunno, would you? Deal or not you seemed pretty comfortable working with me again in January.
no subject
Date: 2023-08-31 12:57 am (UTC)He's almost jealous of the way Akira can just bring up this subject so freely, without feeling the awful pang of anxiety and anger. PSTD? Maybe, who even knows after this. There's still a lot he needs to talk to Akira about Maruki -- and about looming doom of their current situation.
But that can wait. Now he'll just splash the water at Akira properly.]
I can't remember why. I must've been really desperate. [Half-lie. As if it wasn't being with Akira that kept him sane during that time.]