sᴍᴜᴛ ɪɴʙᴏx

[chemex]

because i am a ho and i write a ho. this post will probably pretty exclusively be expiation shuake fuckery, no pun intended, and i'm leaving it unlocked solely so it can, if i'm brave enough, be used as bonus AC. don't be weird, i'm specifically making a separate post for nsfw content so nobody has to see it if they aren't looking for it.

anyway, cw for smut and a lot of kinks, some of which are probably poorly negotiated if discussed at all. you've been warned.

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[chemex]

[Akira lets up, but only just, and only for a moment before the pressure returns, his hips still rocking gently against Goro's back end. He's specifically pushing Goro, trying to make sure he'll actually stop him if things get to be too much. There'll be trouble if he won't, and Akira knows well enough to stop after a certain point, but he hopes Goro will have the sense to tap out on his own.]

[murderingjustice]

[The noise that escapes from him when the fingers loosen around him is just awful. Croaky yet wet gurgle, with spit and saliva bubbling between his lips. The pause isn't long enough for the high to hit him just yet, the pressure returning with an abrupt force.

Oh, uh. This is getting dangerous. While Goro trusts Akira not to do any serious or permanent damage, there is a dark voice within him thinking how easy it'd be. Akira would only need to shift his angle just a little and add more weight on his grip and then it'd be lights out. For good. Now Goro is hardly suicidal but it isn't his first time flirting with death, gambling with his own life. There is something tempting in it, almost intoxicating.

Goro's can feel his body growing numb, the sounds muffling down around him and he can barely hold his thoughts together. It's almost scary, panic bristling against his chest as he keeps losing control of his body. He opens his eyes, vision struggling with focusing on his boyfriend. Then his eyes roll back, going unseeing.

Fuck, he's so close to losing his consciousness.. Just a little bit more and --

The panic kicks in, the part of his brain not wanting to go under is screaming for him to take an action. So, he moves his index finger just enough to tap Akira's forearm three times.]

[chemex]

[When Goro's eyes roll back, Akira's shoulders tense and he almost draws back on his own. The tapping against his forearm is a welcome motion and he releases his neck entirely, moving both hands instead to scoop him up and forward so he can breathe easier. It also puts him resting against Akira's own chest, so he can't see the panic in his own features, but also so he doesn't have to support himself.]

[murderingjustice]

[With his throat now free Goro's reflex kick him into taking a deep breath for the first time in a moment and.. yeah, that is mistake. The sudden burst of air burns against his sore throat, setting his lungs on fire. He ends up hacking a violent cough against Akira's shirt, spit and tears (which definitely are flooding out of his eyes atm) staining the fabric.

He feels so light headed, his body still being disconnected from him.]

[chemex]

[Akira just holds him, turning his head to press gentle kisses along his temple and in his hair.] Take your time. You held on longer than I expected.

[murderingjustice]

[Goro keeps catching his breath between coughs and spitting, his chest rising unevenly. But, after a minute or so he does get it under control enough. He lifts his trembling hands to grasp on Akira's arms, burying his face in his chest.]

'm... [His voice cracks, sounding similar to someone dragging a fork over plate's surface. Goro swallows and tries again.] S.. Sorry. I thought I wan--..

[He croaks, feeling a sense of shame twisting his guts. He almost went under. Almost made Akira to do something he would've regretted .]

Sorry. [Also why tears aren't stopping..]

[chemex]

[His hold tightens, securely, and he makes a shh sound.] You're okay. I've got you. [He wouldn't have choked him out completely. He was about to release him when his eyes rolled back, honestly-- the main difference is if he'd had to stop without Goro telling him to he'd have been upset with Goro about it.]

[This way, it proves that Goro does, somewhere deep inside himself, want to live, even if it's hard.]

[Akira presses another kiss to his temple.] I've got you.

[murderingjustice]

[It was so close that he didn't do it, allowing the scene play out and walking on the edge of the knife. But he hadn't and tapped out of it, preserving his safety.

Goro isn't usually much of a cryer. He's learned to take everything thrown at him, adding more layers on the wall around his heart. But right now he can't stop it and keeps bawling against Akira, clinging on him like his own life depended on it. Seeking that safety and warmth of the embrace, all the while whispering broken "sorrys"]

[chemex]

[And Akira just keeps shushing him gently, slowly rocking them back and forth.] Don't be sorry, love, it's all right. Let it out.

[Some small part of him is touched, and not so much happy as relieved that Goro has shattered this way-- Lord knows the guy needs a good sobbing breakdown, after all he's been through.]

[murderingjustice]

[Goro keeps curling further into Akira's lap, seeking all the physical comfort that he can. He feels so small all of the sudden, bawling his eyes out and smearing snot and other nasty liquids all over his boyfriend's shirt. But at the same time he doesn't care. All he knows is that Akira is same as safe, that he can truly lay it bare here.

He hiccups in middle of his mantra of sorrys, voice squeaking here and there. Then, shaking his head he takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down even a little bit]

W-was it... Was it g-good? [Another broken sob.] W-were I good? [The last word is hushed out so quiet that it can barely count even as a whisper.]

[chemex]

[The broken little questions put a vice grip around Akira's heart, and he pulls Goro closer still, peppering kisses all over his head and what of his face Goro's hiding allows him to access.] You were great, Goro, you're always great.

[murderingjustice]

[The response does manage to calm him down a bit, the hiccups and sobs quieting down while tears still remained in his eyes. Good. He was afraid there for a moment that he had somehow managed to rope Akira into something he found unpleasant, forcing him to entertain his macabre fantasies.

Overall, he's not even sure where all this is coming from.
Are the tears reaction from almost passing out? Or from him not not being able to allow himself to go under? Or perhaps from the notion of submitting to someone else, allowing himself to be owned? Maybe all of them, or maybe it's something completely else. Because again, he can't stop thinking what she would've thought.

Goro peels his face off Akira's chest, lifting his chin up to search for contact.]

I.. never thought I'd be doing this with anyone. Or that I'd f-feel like this.

[chemex]

[Akira's own eyes are a little misty-- he's a bleeding heart, and Goro being this overwhelmed pinches something in his chest. He smiles, regardless, bringing a hand up to cup Goro's cheek.]

Feelings suck. Like, a lot. Is "this" being in a relationship, or specifically the choking?

[murderingjustice]

[Closing his eyes, Goro leans in to the touch, looking to be cradled in Akira's arms. It's not first time he's shown vulnerability around Akira, but it is probably first time he's seeking for the comfort and love -- nearly begging for it.

It's in moment like these when all of his rage and anger towards the world and his own person, leaving him only to focus on Akira and the sound of his beating heart. Filling him with knowledge about the fact that he, indeed, does love this person.]

Relationship, idiot. [He coughs.]...and sex.

[chemex]

[Akira rumbles a soft laugh, reaching his other hand up to hold the other side of Goro's jaw. His thumbs smooth against his cheeks, pushing away remaining tears, and his tone is gentle, arguably viscous with fondness.]

I'm glad you trust me with both.

[murderingjustice]

.. Only you. [He whispers softly, sincerity seeping through his words. Akira is the only one Goro's ever truly wanted and trusted, only one he could ever think of giving part of himself like this.

His stupid fated rival.

Goro sighs quietly, feeling so loved and cared for here with Akira holding him and wiping away his tears. There's a dull headache growing from the crying and his eyes feel heavy and sore. He could very well fall asleep here. If it wasn't for one fact.]


.. Let's continue. Please. I want to feel you.

[chemex]

[He rumbles again, keeping his hold on his face and moving to kiss him, gently.] You sure? You look tired.

[murderingjustice]

[Goro brings one hand behind Akira's neck, pulling him closer as the kiss. He whines when the kiss ends, giving the other's lips a quick lick as if to chase the taste.]

Yes. I want to.. Besides. [He clears his voice a bit, trying to summon previous cockiness to his expression.] You weren't going to stop until I'm fully yours.

[chemex]

[His grin sharpens, and he ducks back to Goro's lips to bite the lower, gently.] You know how to stop me if it's too much.

[And he kisses him again, this time licking into his mouth and deepening the kiss as he leans into him, intent to knock him over.]

[murderingjustice]

[Goro uses the hand wrapped behind Akira's neck to pull himself up to meet the lip, a weepy whine leaving from him at the gentle nipple on his lower lip.]

I would let you fuck me unconscious. [He's only half-serious with that one. While the thought of being completely out of it and let Akira to have his way with him. But then again, losing the control completely like that is also intimidating. So, who knows. Maybe they can work up to it. But he's getting ahead of himself.

Most of Goro's weight is placed on Akira's arms, so when he leans down Goro goes with him. With his back hitting the mattress again, Goro opens his mouth, tongue darting out to tangle together with Akira's, indulging in the taste and sensation.]