[C'mon, Akira. You know the answer to that already. She doesn't respond to his tapping her back, just tilts her head to gaze down at him with the same smile as before. Again, it's like her face is just stuck trying to look normal.]
[She's been tired for months. How many has it been since the final battle with Nyx? Maybe it was even before that, when she had to tell Ryoji she wouldn't kill him. Maybe it was before that, when they learned the truth about what they were doing and how their actions had ushered Nyx closer. Maybe it was even before that, before all this started.]
I never know the right thing to say anymore. I never know the right thing to do. I miss my team. I've never had to do all this stuff on my own. I...
[She wants to go home, and the sheer emotion behind that closes her throat, because she knows what's waiting for her at home. She wants to see her friends on the rooftop, and then... that'll be it. She can finally sleep.]
...I just miss them, [she finishes more quietly, not much above a whisper.]
[Akira would like a day to go by in his life that he doesn't have to choose between letting someone he cares about have what they want and saying goodbye to them. He would very much like that.]
[He scoots a little closer, pivots, leans back against her shoulder.]
'm pretty tired, too. [He leaves it at that, because there's not much more he's sure he can say.]
[It's comforting, having someone to lean back against. The tense set to her shoulders doesn't disappear, but it does relax just slightly as she leans back against him, letting her head gently bonk against the side of his.]
Akechi-san seems like a lot.
[She huffs through her nose and finally uncurls herself a little, letting her hands rest more comfortably on either side.]
[He hums, the sound overall noncommittal, but also just affirmative enough that she'd understand. Akechi isn't all of what he thinks he can't fix, not by a long shot-- he's just a lot of it. He's just a lot to deal with, in general.]
I'll team up with you any day, Kotone. 'n Akechi, I'm sure he would too. Sumire, for sure. [He's avoiding the question again.]
No, no, see... if Akechi thinks anything about you, you're good in his book. If he thinks mean things about you it means he likes you, actually. Stupid asshole.
[He startles when she finds his hand, but turns his easily to twine their fingers.] I think so, yeah. We're pretty different, but I think we're also really similar. If anything, you're my senpai, because you really seem to have a clearer head about things.
[Great. Akechi really sounds like a pleasure to get to know.
But she huffs at Akira's assessment, not quite able to muster the energy or emotion for a full laugh.]
I'm glad you think so, anyway. [She lapses into silence again, keeping her fingers twined with his and the side of her head pressed against his.]
I just... want to make sure you know that you can talk to me. Not because you think you have to take responsibility for me or anything, but... as one leader to another.
[He chuckles a little again, and the sound cuts off partway through in favor of him folding his chin into his collarbone. He exhales, curling his fingers into hers a little tighter, and then sits more upright again, taking a careful breath.]
I'm really bad at talking to people when it isn't about them, and you don't like talking about yourself anymore than I do. [He's not okay and he knows it, and he's pretty sure she knows it, but if he addresses it he's gonna crumble like a shitty little sandcastle at high tide and he can't do that. He can't.] The same goes for you, though. And I do appreciate it. [If he ever has the presence of mind to reach out before it's unnavigable, it's nice to know she'd understand better than most.]
[She closes her eyes and sighs. She's so tired, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally exhausted beyond what she usually feels. Logically, she knows it's the aftereffects of the adrenaline wearing off after it all, crashing her back down to earth now that the immediate danger has passed.]
Do whatever you want, [she says finally, squeezing his fingers gently to take any of the potential sting out of the words.] Wanna just... listen to some music for a little bit?
[It doesn't sting, but it's definitely something he ruminates over. Not immediately-- she asks a question, and he responds, first.]
Oh, sure, what've you got? [Do whatever you want settles into a funny little manila folder in his brain, right behind his tongue, to be mulled over when they settle into a musical feelings jam. Because at the end of the day, Akira Kurusu doesn't really know what he wants, and is more than a little afraid to have a concrete idea of it or consider pursuing it.]
[She only hesitates a moment before leaning forward just enough to pull her decidedly-mid-2000s MP3 player from it's strap and passing it behind her for him to take. She'll just tuck one of her headphones over her ear in preparation for the incoming music.
Uh, good luck with that ancient bit of tech, buddy. None of the songs are more recent than 2010.]
[Akira.exe has encountered a problem and must stop.]
[What the fuck is this ancient dinosaur piece of tech, Kotone??? He takes it, stares at it, and then just... continues to stare at it. Eventually he squints hard enough at it to read the dials and just... hits a couple of them, letting it play whatever first pops on. Something something Burn My Bread.]
And yeah, solid choice. Most of her music ranges from electronic and J-Pop to some classical she uses for studying. She'll hold her hand out for him to return it so she can turn the volume down to something more appropriate to sharing with a friend, and close her eyes to just relax against him. She doesn't know what she's supposed to do next, but maybe it's okay to just... not think about it, at least for as long as Akira will sit with her.
She closes her eyes and relaxes by increments, waiting to see if there's anything he wants to say further.]
[He's a little thrown by her just handing him a piece of history like it's completely normal, realizing that maybe it is-- he's never really talked to her about timelines or When it is for her. Hell, her Shifty Uncles are apparently Not-an-Author Osamu Dazai and Not-A-Poet Chuuya Nakahara (or so he assumes), anything was possible. So for a while, he's quiet, letting the actual bop of 2010s-era JPop filter in through shared headphones.]
[It's nice, having someone to Just Be, with, and not have to Be A Leader.]
[It's nice, just quietly existing with someone. She hasn't had a lot of opportunities to do something like that; sure, a lot of it is because she's the one carrying a conversation in both hands, but right now, she doesn't want to. She just wants to put it down for a little while.
The sun is warm, and the breeze is cool, and she's just so tired of everything. Of not knowing what to do, or think, or feel. Akira's back is warm and solid behind her, and even if it's not the most comfortable place she's ever relaxed, it's far from being the least comfortable, either. As the silence stretches on, she relaxes further, eventually slumping fully against him as her breathing slows, and she drifts off into sleep.]
[He shifts just enough to support her more fully when she slumps and drifts off, eventually laying them both on the rooftop itself and curling protectively around her. The music continues to play, and at some point something equal parts melancholic and hopeful plays, and Akira finds it makes his heart hurt a little.]
[He dozes, eventually, as well, dreaming intermittently about a world that doesn't require teenagers to save it.]
[Kotone has never been one to doze lightly, drifting in and out of sleep. When she falls asleep, she falls asleep, completely dead to the world around her. Akira moving her doesn't stir her at all; the closest thing to a reaction is when he curls around her and she curls a little herself into the warmth.
It's a little over an hour that she finally becomes conscious enough to realize that maybe she shouldn't be sleeping here, and also, there's someone next to her. Groggily, she forces her eyes open and turns her head.]
Hey...
[It's soft enough that if he's sleeping deeply enough, he won't hear her at all.
[He hears her, but he just curls further in on himself, burrowing his face into his arms like some kind of giant cat. Sorry, Kotone, you'll have to try a little harder than that.]
[If she has to try harder, she simply Won't. That's a lot of effort to go through right now, and she can justify it as being for Akira's sake. But as a professional sleeper-in-places-she-shouldn't, she knows his arm is going to cramp up and his elbow is going to hurt if he stays like that against the hard roof, so she scoots just a little closer and tries to coax his head to her shoulder or chest, wherever it lands.]
[He mumbles something about Mona, but he curls with her, pressing his face into her shoulder and looking... actually more uncomfortable than before, but settling again in no time. Listen, he's an eighteen year old boy who may also be part cat, he will nap in the weirdest positions.]
[Well, she tried. She'd rather sleep on someone's shoulder than on her own arm, but alright, you do you, weird cat man. She'll have to ask about who Mona is later. Girlfriend, maybe?
She starts to gently comb fingers through his hair, but stops after just a few seconds with a pang of uncertainly. Dazai always wanted her to do that, and thinking about him right now is kind of... difficult. She'd rather not.
For now, she just stares up at the clouds above them, watching them form shapes and listening to the gentle sound of Akira's breathing.]
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They're not hurt, if that's what you're asking.
[That's the only answer she actually has for him, really. Her lips thin as she presses them together and digs her chin into her knees.]
I'm sorry. I tried to stop them before things got too bad. Chuuya said it could have been a lot worse. [For as thin a reassurance as that is.]
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Are you okay? [He reaches out, tapping the small of her back.]
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[C'mon, Akira. You know the answer to that already. She doesn't respond to his tapping her back, just tilts her head to gaze down at him with the same smile as before. Again, it's like her face is just stuck trying to look normal.]
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[He's. Exhausted, is what he is. He shows that, in his face and his posture and the quiet way he persists, but he's still persisting, anyway.]
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[She's been tired for months. How many has it been since the final battle with Nyx? Maybe it was even before that, when she had to tell Ryoji she wouldn't kill him. Maybe it was before that, when they learned the truth about what they were doing and how their actions had ushered Nyx closer. Maybe it was even before that, before all this started.]
I never know the right thing to say anymore. I never know the right thing to do. I miss my team. I've never had to do all this stuff on my own. I...
[She wants to go home, and the sheer emotion behind that closes her throat, because she knows what's waiting for her at home. She wants to see her friends on the rooftop, and then... that'll be it. She can finally sleep.]
...I just miss them, [she finishes more quietly, not much above a whisper.]
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[He scoots a little closer, pivots, leans back against her shoulder.]
'm pretty tired, too. [He leaves it at that, because there's not much more he's sure he can say.]
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Akechi-san seems like a lot.
[She huffs through her nose and finally uncurls herself a little, letting her hands rest more comfortably on either side.]
Is that what you think you can't fix...?
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I'll team up with you any day, Kotone. 'n Akechi, I'm sure he would too. Sumire, for sure. [He's avoiding the question again.]
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I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm weak. Or useless. Maybe both.
[Chuuya had said the only reason Akechi had made it out with just the broken finger was her, but... it doesn't feel like enough.
Without turning around, she reaches back, trying to find his hand.]
...Do you see us as equals, Akira? From one leader to another.
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No, no, see... if Akechi thinks anything about you, you're good in his book. If he thinks mean things about you it means he likes you, actually. Stupid asshole.
[He startles when she finds his hand, but turns his easily to twine their fingers.] I think so, yeah. We're pretty different, but I think we're also really similar. If anything, you're my senpai, because you really seem to have a clearer head about things.
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But she huffs at Akira's assessment, not quite able to muster the energy or emotion for a full laugh.]
I'm glad you think so, anyway. [She lapses into silence again, keeping her fingers twined with his and the side of her head pressed against his.]
I just... want to make sure you know that you can talk to me. Not because you think you have to take responsibility for me or anything, but... as one leader to another.
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I'm really bad at talking to people when it isn't about them, and you don't like talking about yourself anymore than I do. [He's not okay and he knows it, and he's pretty sure she knows it, but if he addresses it he's gonna crumble like a shitty little sandcastle at high tide and he can't do that. He can't.] The same goes for you, though. And I do appreciate it. [If he ever has the presence of mind to reach out before it's unnavigable, it's nice to know she'd understand better than most.]
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[She closes her eyes and sighs. She's so tired, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally exhausted beyond what she usually feels. Logically, she knows it's the aftereffects of the adrenaline wearing off after it all, crashing her back down to earth now that the immediate danger has passed.]
Do whatever you want, [she says finally, squeezing his fingers gently to take any of the potential sting out of the words.] Wanna just... listen to some music for a little bit?
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Oh, sure, what've you got? [Do whatever you want settles into a funny little manila folder in his brain, right behind his tongue, to be mulled over when they settle into a musical feelings jam. Because at the end of the day, Akira Kurusu doesn't really know what he wants, and is more than a little afraid to have a concrete idea of it or consider pursuing it.]
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[She only hesitates a moment before leaning forward just enough to pull her decidedly-mid-2000s MP3 player from it's strap and passing it behind her for him to take. She'll just tuck one of her headphones over her ear in preparation for the incoming music.
Uh, good luck with that ancient bit of tech, buddy. None of the songs are more recent than 2010.]
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[What the fuck is this ancient dinosaur piece of tech, Kotone??? He takes it, stares at it, and then just... continues to stare at it. Eventually he squints hard enough at it to read the dials and just... hits a couple of them, letting it play whatever first pops on. Something something Burn My Bread.]
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And yeah, solid choice. Most of her music ranges from electronic and J-Pop to some classical she uses for studying. She'll hold her hand out for him to return it so she can turn the volume down to something more appropriate to sharing with a friend, and close her eyes to just relax against him. She doesn't know what she's supposed to do next, but maybe it's okay to just... not think about it, at least for as long as Akira will sit with her.
She closes her eyes and relaxes by increments, waiting to see if there's anything he wants to say further.]
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[He's a little thrown by her just handing him a piece of history like it's completely normal, realizing that maybe it is-- he's never really talked to her about timelines or When it is for her. Hell, her Shifty Uncles are apparently Not-an-Author Osamu Dazai and Not-A-Poet Chuuya Nakahara (or so he assumes), anything was possible. So for a while, he's quiet, letting the actual bop of 2010s-era JPop filter in through shared headphones.]
[It's nice, having someone to Just Be, with, and not have to Be A Leader.]
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The sun is warm, and the breeze is cool, and she's just so tired of everything. Of not knowing what to do, or think, or feel. Akira's back is warm and solid behind her, and even if it's not the most comfortable place she's ever relaxed, it's far from being the least comfortable, either. As the silence stretches on, she relaxes further, eventually slumping fully against him as her breathing slows, and she drifts off into sleep.]
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[He dozes, eventually, as well, dreaming intermittently about a world that doesn't require teenagers to save it.]
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It's a little over an hour that she finally becomes conscious enough to realize that maybe she shouldn't be sleeping here, and also, there's someone next to her. Groggily, she forces her eyes open and turns her head.]
Hey...
[It's soft enough that if he's sleeping deeply enough, he won't hear her at all.
i lack a more appropriate icon so have this
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She starts to gently comb fingers through his hair, but stops after just a few seconds with a pang of uncertainly. Dazai always wanted her to do that, and thinking about him right now is kind of... difficult. She'd rather not.
For now, she just stares up at the clouds above them, watching them form shapes and listening to the gentle sound of Akira's breathing.]
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