chemex | ɪɴʙᴏx [ᴇxᴘɪᴀᴛɪᴏɴ]

Hmm. [Goro hums as an answer and reaches for his glass, taking another sip of the wine. He stays quiet for a bit, content on just watching his stupid boyfriend and the newly added personality to their household. It seems like Shoyu has taken instant liking to Akira, and vice versa.

Gaining a pet had never been in his plans. Maybe at some point of his childhood he had wanted a one like all other kids, but never knew to voice it - being painfully aware of their living situation. But watching the duo now does manage to warm his cynical heart just a bit, feeling a sense of home for the first time in ages.

But he still is cynical and there are issues that needs to be addressed and put on the table.]

Do you miss it? Leblanc and Tokyo, I mean.

[A small smile warms Akira's features, further toasted by the wine, and he rubs his fingers along Shoyu's ears and spine until she wilts bonelessly into his lap, purring.]

[He looks up at Goro's question, hesitant.] ...of course I do, it was more home to me than where I grew up ever was.

I know that much. [Neither of them really liked to talk about their pasts before entering to Yaldabaoth's game. And while Akira kept his lips sealed about his home life he was more open to talk about the time in Leblanc, always with certain fondness in his voice.

But that's not really what's at the root of the question.] And despite that you still think it's alright to have her with us?

[A certain weight presses into his shoulders at the shift in topic, and Akira looks to the cat in his lap, purring away.]

...if you were gonna make me question the morality of fostering a cat, Goro, why'd you do it on Christmas?

I didn't think the date mattered that much. [Goro, too, looks down at the cat -- or as much as he can see fro his seating. He idly snaps the chopsticks in the air before poking another salmon roll.]

Do you want to go back, Akira?

Guess it doesn't. [He pets Shoyu absently, having completely forgotten the sushi. It's a handful of seconds before he responds, taking the time to digest the question. He looks from Shoyu to the sushi and back, and then finally at Goro.]

...I don't honestly know.

[Goro lifts his gaze to meet Akira's, lips sealed shut. The record player plays in the background, but somehow he can't quite pinpoint the melody anymore. Part of him thinks that, yes. Akira should want to leave and not to waste his life and future in here. Not now that he finally has one waiting for him in Tokyo. And at the same time, selfish, irrational part of him wants to preserve this little bubble they've built around each other.

With a long sigh, Goro tears his eys away from Akira, looking outside of the window at the snowy Aldrip nightsky.]

I still intend to uncover the truth and find a way back home, that hasn't changed. But.. [He pauses a bit, tension growing in his shoulders and voice drawing distance.] So that we can decide when to leave, with our own terms rather than being in the mercy of some invisible force. When we are ready to, that is.

[Goro always did have his head screwed on straight in terms of proper ambition, Akira figures. He lets his hand go still on Shoyu's back, enjoying the fading rumble of her purr as she dozes off.]

...would you hate it if I said I don't mind staying, for now?

Perhaps a little, yes. [It's as honest answer as he can give. And it's quite frightening thought. What staying here would mean, the importance of it. He huffs out the air, biting insides of his cheek as he mulls over it, feeling the anxiety raising its ugly head within his mind, like a beast.

To stay here would mean living. Looking forward to future. ]

..Despite everything, I must admit that I wouldn't be satisfied if we left like this. There is something I want to see through first.

[Akira can't say with full sincerity he would want to stay in Aldrip forever. It's done a lot of damage in not a lot of time, to him and plenty of others. It doesn't change that it's presented him with the chance to have the one thing he never had the real world chance to.]

[He idly finds himself trying to memorize the patterning of Shoyu's fur, the conversation melancholic enough that he feels it prudent to remember the moment.] And what's that?

[It's far from perfect. The opposite of it actually. They've been hurt so much ever since coming here, partly because of this world, partly because their own baggage that they keep carrying on their shoulders. And yet, they keep surviving by leaning on each other, licking each others' wounds.

Something that Goro Akechi would have detested earlier so much. Since when he had begun to change like this?

Lips pulled into thin line, Goro turns his attention back to Akira. Inhaling deep and exhaling, the complex emotions washing over him. He knows very well that the answer is going to break the promise he made Akira that one day all those months ago. That he wouldn't make the other have to choose between him and the world. But since when he's had troubles with lying.]

...This.

[It was the last thing he expected to hear, and as a result it lances straight through him and he doesn't have time to check the way his expression twists. He tries anyway, muting it as soon as he realizes, and ducks his head to try and hide his face with his hair. It only kind of works, given the strained nature of his forced smile is still clear.]

[His voice is very small, and he reaches across the table for Goro's hand despite his words, whispered hoarsely.] That's not fair, Goro.

[Goro waits for Akira's response, hooded red eyes carefully observing the shift in his face, unsure how to read the expression.

But he's right. It's not fair. Nothing is fair about this situation and he had known it immediately they had agreed to give this thing a chance. Give them a chance. It had been stupid crutch for both of them, which now has turned into something like a lifeline. At least that's how it was Goro.]

I know. I'm selfish like that. [He answers, reaching out to meet Akira's hand, index finger looping around his.]

[He makes an ugly little sound, curling their fingers together, and folds over until his head rests against the table.] That's okay, I love you anyway. [He doesn't want to leave, ever, thanks.]

[and it's that love that chains them down here. Goro knows just how irrational and stupid it is to keep this up, but at the same time he doesn't want to let go. Not now that he finally has something that he can call his own.

When Akira folds down there is a surprised "meow" coming from his lap as Shoyu raises her head. Are you forgotting someone, buddy?]

[Akira makes another little sound, moving his hand from Shoyu's fur to punch the bridge of his nose as he sits up, refusing to let go of Goro's hand.] Sorry, Shoyu.

[He just looks down at her for a while, then, fingers tangled with Goro's, and eventually looks back up to the table of sushi he no longer has any intention of eating.] ...I might go take a bath, if that's okay.

[Goro keeps brushing the back of Akira's hand with his thumb, drawing small idle patterns.]

Sure. It might still be messy there after Shoyu's bath, though. [Then, he withdraws back, breaking the connection between their hands. Goro can't really say whether he feels better after this conversation. It was important to have but at the same time he feels the same anxiety on his chest as earlier.]

.. Sorry, this is not exactly what I had planned for tonight.

[The mild affection almost breaks him, and when Goro draws his hand away he distinctly feels some part of himself crunch, hairline fractures splintering outward like he'd been struck by lightning. He closes his eyes and shakes his head, scooping Shoyu into the crook of one arm and standing.] 's okay, I'll clean up while I'm in there, [His voice sounds odd, even to himself. He moves to lower Shoyu to the couch, not in a place to determine if Goro is okay with her being in their bed or not.] Finish the sushi if you like, you should eat more than you do.

[He goes still, half-crouched as he stands from the couch after putting Shoyu down, and closes his eyes, shaking his head again.] Planning things, with us... never really goes well, does it?

[That remark makes Goro wrinkle his nose, pouting slightly.] I eat just fine. [Is it less than most? Probably. But it's the amount Goro's comfortable with while also keeping the control over his own body.

With a heavy sigh he, slouches back, leaning against the back rest and picks up his glass to take a gulp of the wine.]

It seems like that, yes. Maybe we should stop pretending like we're a normal couple.

[He can't think of anything that won't somehow exacerbate the current issue to say. Saying nothing may just do the same, but-- he just stands up, posture pinned, and moves to clear his own dishes.]

[He's too in his own head to say something they won't fight about, or maybe he's just too afraid that they'll fight to say anything in the first place.]

[Goro watches Akira to move forward the table and pick up his plate. There's a apparent question in his eyes, one that he doesn't voice out. And well, it looks like Akira's done with talking so silence it is.

Silently, he averts his gaze, stands up from his seat and leaves the kitchen area, going to sit by the window near their balcony. Guess, this is it then.

Well, luckily, though, there's now a third personality in the apartment. One that might not be understand the context but can still sense the differences in the tone and and atmosphere. Shoyu keeps peeking from the couch at Akira before jumping off and trotting to push against his legs.]

[He startles with his plates, setting them in the sink with a little less grace than intended, and looks down at her, blinking.] ...Shoyu, don't be underfoot, sweet. I'm not smart and I might step on you.

[He steps back and crouches, holding out a hand to let her rub against it.]

[She chirps in response, shaking her head and moves in closer, takes a quick sniff at his hand. Then she jumps on her hind legs and places her front paws on that hand, meowing at him with a demanding tone.]

[He's a little taken aback, frowning but using his other hand to stroke over the back of her skull.] Bossy... What is it?

[She knows just what she wants, obviously! With another meow she takes her opportunity and uses Akira's hand as a leverage to jump further and climb over his shoulder.]

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we need to get icons for shoyu obvs.