[Shit, he curses in his mind when he sees Akira to stop and withdrawn to further away into himself, away from him. Goro bites down on his tongue and keeps his eyes on the floor, just so that they won't meet Akira's even on accident. Seeing Akira to turn into this pathetic and scared mess because of him manages to pull just the right strings in his heart, making him feel even more sick of himself.
Just when did they become this sad excuse for a dysfunctional couple.
But just like before Akira's voice manages to drag Goro's attention back to the present from the abyss of his mind just a little. He looks up, sees Akira againstthe wall and walks up to him without any hesitation, wrapping his arm around his waist -- prompting to lean on him.]
[It's kind of a problem. He doesn't know how to fix where they are, because everything he's done has been wrong, and he's like a man addicted-- now that he's had a taste of him, he doesn't know how he'll weather if he forces Goro away. It makes him sick to think about, that he has this chance, and he keeps fucking it up like he has been.]
[So that Goro just easily steps into his space and puts an arm around him makes a solid ripple of a shudder go up his spine, and even if he's terrified it'll make everything worse he can't help the way he folds against him. His head sets on his shoulder and his body curves, his upper half huddled close to Goro while his legs stay rooted to the floor.] Not..., I'm so cold I'm numb.
[Well.. For Akira's consolation (?) it's not just him fucking up. Akechi is also somehow managing to find just the worst solution to whatever might be pressing them. He's so used of being alone, never trusting anyone or leaning on them. So, growing close like this with Akira continues to feel strange and almost perverse, like a betrayal of self. He keeps finding himself scared and weak, unlike before. Just like earlier today, when Akira had been kidnapped.. Or when the nightmares returned.]
Alright, we'll move slow. Tell me if it becomes unbearable. [Akira's body is so cold against his own. He must be feeling the exhaustion from all the action, both swimming for his life and using his Personas to fight. It's a miracle that the other one is still standing. Carefully, he keeps supporting Akira with his arm while slowly walking towards the bathroom, paying mind to his steps.]
[He makes a little affirmative chirp of sound, because nodding seems like a lot of unnecessary movement, and shuffles to take steps with Goro. Relief makes his whole body feel weak and his knees shake a little as they go, because even if they're not okay, that Goro would initiate contact is more than Akira thought he would be afforded for some time. He wobbles his way to the bathroom, at some point curling an arm around Goro's shoulders and resuming the shivering he'd stopped when he stopped really feeling anything with a vengeance. By the time he's reaching his other arm out to brace himself in the bathroom doorway, his teeth are chattering.]
[Their position is like direct reversal to prior one from back in the august when Goro had been shot. Their first real struggle to their newly found status as a couple. And it just seems that they can't keep away from the trouble. Maybe the trouble was one way to distract them from their ill-matched pairing? Something to keep them busy so that they wouldn't stare right into the cracks lining up between them.
If so it might as well be working, because right now Goro isn't thinking about their fight but instead worryingly paying attention to Akira's state. Something clearly isn't right.
He stops them before opening the bathroom door, cautiously swirling Akira to face him properly.]
I think you might have hypothermia. If that's the case we shouldn't get you wet. What we need to do is change your clothes to warmer ones and put you in the bed under the covers. I'll see if I can find tea or other hot beverages for you, if not I'm sure Kotone could help. Do you need me to call her over? [what he means to ask is whether Akira wants her here with him rather than him. ]
[He struggles wordlessly for a moment, burrowing against his shoulder and hating how badly he's shaking.] Nn-nngh. [He shakes his head, but it's hard to discern from the shaking, so he picks up his head again and shakes it a little more specifically, struggling to form words.] N-no, if... [His hands, having found their way to Goro's ribs, curl against his shirt. If Goro will stay, he'd rather that, for a small host of reasons.] I-if it's not too much t-trouble, for y-you.
['if it's not too much trouble for you.' the words makes his heart feel cold. wasn't it Akira who was in hurry to leave him. His eyes look down on the hands, fumbling around his ribcage, as if to keep him from disappearing.]
C'mon. [He murmurs, places his hand back on Akira's waist and directs them to their shared bedroom, still cautious about their movements.]
[Goro made a pretty strong claim that Akira didn't know him, and why would someone like Goro Akechi want to take care of a stranger? Akira's logic is more than a little rattled, but it is a pretty linear set of decisionmaking.]
[He curls as close to Goro as he's able, shuffling as he walks and trying to not look too pathetic. He doesn't do a very good job at it, honestly.]
[Well, unfortunately there isn't much Akira can do at this point to look less pathetic. He might be out of the water but he hasn't been able to get rid of the smallness. Goro supposes his current state is something that ought to spark protective instinct in one, but for him it just raises something uncomfortable within him. He truly must be broken somehow.
It's really a good thing that their apartment isn't all that big, making the trip to their bedroom short one. Once they're in he maneuvers Akira to sit on the bed.]
[He sits when directed, hunching inward and taking a moment to shake his head to Goro's question, slowly peeling himself out of his clothes. They aren't wet anymore, but the salt from the ocean has made them a bit stiff anyway. He doesn't say anything, just focused on his task.]
[Hm. Okay, then. Akira seems to have that under control, good. Goro turns away and walks up to their closet, pulling out fresh clothes for Akira. A long sleeved shirt, boxers, socks, slacks and puffy sweatshirt (one that's actually Goro's own). After gathering the pile he brings it to set next to Akira on bed, picking up the discarded clothing.]
I'll take these to wash and get you something warm to drink. Call me if you need any further assistance. [And with that said he turns to exit the bedroom to do just exactly that.]
[He's trying to need as little of Goro's time and energy as he can, here. He's quick to claim the items present to him and pull them haphazardly onto his body, burrowing into them immediately, pausing only to call after Goro as he starts to leave.]
Um-- [He clears his throat, pulling his hands into the sleeves of the sweatshirt.] ...thanks.
[Goro turns his head to look over his shoulder at Akira, staying there for a second or two too long to be just casual acknowledgement. There is clearly something pressing on his mind, words that he needs to say.
"Don't thank me you idiot", "We're partners", "Your health is important to me", "I want you safe". And so on. But instead what leaves from his lips are the neutral and distanced:]
You should lie down and try warm yourself up. [And then he's gone.]
[Similarly, Akira wants to ask him to stay, to lie down with him-- Goro must be tired, too. Still, maybe it's best to let him have his space. Akira folds himself up and slips under the covers, piling them on himself and burrowing entirely under them. Even then, it still takes time for him to be able to consciously feel most of his body.]
[He's exhausted, but can't quite fall asleep, so he just lays there, resting and trying to get his body temperature back to normal. After some time, he pulls the covers down enough to poke his head out, flinching at the cooler air and calling out quietly.] ...hey, Goro?
[Goro is beyond exhausted, but for better or worse it's a state he's rather used to. While working for police department, doing public appearances, handling the school and dealing with Shido's dirty work it had become a status quo of sorts to him. So even now he knows how to navigate through the exhaustion, affirming his priorities -- which currently being Akira's comfort.
After tossing the clothes to a wash bin, Goro makes his way to kitchen and set the teapot on the stove. He selects mint for Akira, hoping it'd to have soothing effect. Once the water is done he pours it on the cup, tossing the bag into the liquid. Sorry, honey. The water might've been too hot, burning some of the leafs, giving tea a rather bitter taste. But it's the thought that counts right?
He's just entering back to the bedroom with tea cup on his hand when he hears Akira to call him underneath the pile of blankets.]
Oh, [He had forgotten about the tea. He carefully draws the covers up with him and bundles them around his shoulders, smiling faintly.] ...thanks. Come sit with me...?
[Pressing his lips together into a thoughtful frown Goro moves to places the cup on Akira's nightstand, and then sits down on the bed -- making sure to keep a small distance. But for the first time during the night he raises his red gaze to look Akira in the eye. Finally meeting the other properly.
Goro parts his lips and closes them again as he tries to catch the thread of the thoughts running in his mind. Then eventually:]
Sometimes I get this feeling that I can't be around others. It gets too much and I'm overwhelmed when I remember everything that I am. What I've done. Sometimes I feel just.. I'm being suffocated just by being, if that makes sense. It's not your fault and I never wanted you dead. Not really.
[The words just... burst out from him, it's like damp that's finally being over flooded and broken.]
[Akira is happy to give him that much distance, glad that he would come sit with him at all, and gasps softly when Goro meets and holds his gaze. He's afraid to say anything, or to look away, so he lets his tea steam on the nightstand and waits.]
[When Goro bursts forward with his admission, Akira just smiles faintly, shifting to hold his arm out, covers held aside.] ...come here.
[The abrupt confession leaves Goro admittedly rather dumbfounded. Lips parted and mouth hanging open, forming a small silent "o". With all his cards laid down he doesn't exactly know what to do anymore but to wait for Akira's response and...
Well, it isn't one that he didn't really see coming. Closing his mouth Goro blinks, takes a deep breath and scoots next to Akira.]
[He folds his arm around Goro's shoulders immediately, drawing him close.] ...I'm glad to hear that. I think it's... always gonna be hard, for us to face that day, and I'm sorry I was ugly about it. [He shifts, twisting his body and then leaning sideways to drag Goro down to lay with him.]
Please never forget that I love everything you are. Even what you don't want people to see.
[Akira finds no resistance from Goro when he's pulled close. He doesn't reciprocate the embrace immediately, but just stays there eyes fluttering shut. ]
There's something wrong with me, Akira. Hearing that.. doesn't make me happy. It brings me fear. [Fear and anxiety in front of the unknown, triggering his flight or fight response.]
[He shakes his head slowly, rearranging to cover them both and create a little capsule of warmth. It's already worlds better under here with another person than just by himself.]
Mmn, not something wrong. You've just been through so much, without support and love for so long. It's natural, I think, to be scared of something like that. [He blinks slowly at him, eyes half-squinted closed in the warmth.] ...I'm a little scared of it, myself. Of love, and how much I love you, if that makes sense.
[It's quite hot under the covers, as he's still wearing his day clothes. However, Akira's cold body brings him some relief. Goro finds himself nuzzling closer to Akira, finally wrapping his arms around the other's waist, fingers sneaking to feel the cool skin under his layer of clothes.]
You should be. We tend to run hot and burn out when we clash. [They truly are perfect foils to each other, contracting each other. A true rivals. One that can't exist without the other and so.]
I'm scared, Akira. [He admits quietly, whispering the words against Akira's neck.] Of you and myself.
[Akira sucks in a startled breath at Goro's hands slipping under his shirt, but settles a moment later. He's not used to Goro feeling warm while he's cold. He laughs softly, nuzzling against Goro's face.]
[Will they, though? They've been doing this for months now. And while they have learned to live together, finding their routine around the apartment and not to snap at each other at every turn, they still keep finding each other in these situations. Digging the knife deeper into their wounds, only to end up licking them later on. It's quite pathetic in Goro's mind. But then again, what else could one expect of them? Two fucks up of the society.
Goro props his head up, to search Akira's eyes.]
I'm sorry. For everything. I didn't realize just how.. terrified the thought of losing you is.
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Just when did they become this sad excuse for a dysfunctional couple.
But just like before Akira's voice manages to drag Goro's attention back to the present from the abyss of his mind just a little. He looks up, sees Akira againstthe wall and walks up to him without any hesitation, wrapping his arm around his waist -- prompting to lean on him.]
Does it hurt anywhere?
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[So that Goro just easily steps into his space and puts an arm around him makes a solid ripple of a shudder go up his spine, and even if he's terrified it'll make everything worse he can't help the way he folds against him. His head sets on his shoulder and his body curves, his upper half huddled close to Goro while his legs stay rooted to the floor.] Not..., I'm so cold I'm numb.
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Alright, we'll move slow. Tell me if it becomes unbearable. [Akira's body is so cold against his own. He must be feeling the exhaustion from all the action, both swimming for his life and using his Personas to fight. It's a miracle that the other one is still standing. Carefully, he keeps supporting Akira with his arm while slowly walking towards the bathroom, paying mind to his steps.]
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G-God, what the f-fuck.
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If so it might as well be working, because right now Goro isn't thinking about their fight but instead worryingly paying attention to Akira's state. Something clearly isn't right.
He stops them before opening the bathroom door, cautiously swirling Akira to face him properly.]
I think you might have hypothermia. If that's the case we shouldn't get you wet. What we need to do is change your clothes to warmer ones and put you in the bed under the covers. I'll see if I can find tea or other hot beverages for you, if not I'm sure Kotone could help. Do you need me to call her over? [what he means to ask is whether Akira wants her here with him rather than him. ]
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C'mon. [He murmurs, places his hand back on Akira's waist and directs them to their shared bedroom, still cautious about their movements.]
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[He curls as close to Goro as he's able, shuffling as he walks and trying to not look too pathetic. He doesn't do a very good job at it, honestly.]
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It's really a good thing that their apartment isn't all that big, making the trip to their bedroom short one. Once they're in he maneuvers Akira to sit on the bed.]
Do you need help with undressing?
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I'll take these to wash and get you something warm to drink. Call me if you need any further assistance. [And with that said he turns to exit the bedroom to do just exactly that.]
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Um-- [He clears his throat, pulling his hands into the sleeves of the sweatshirt.] ...thanks.
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"Don't thank me you idiot", "We're partners", "Your health is important to me", "I want you safe". And so on. But instead what leaves from his lips are the neutral and distanced:]
You should lie down and try warm yourself up. [And then he's gone.]
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[He's exhausted, but can't quite fall asleep, so he just lays there, resting and trying to get his body temperature back to normal. After some time, he pulls the covers down enough to poke his head out, flinching at the cooler air and calling out quietly.] ...hey, Goro?
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After tossing the clothes to a wash bin, Goro makes his way to kitchen and set the teapot on the stove. He selects mint for Akira, hoping it'd to have soothing effect. Once the water is done he pours it on the cup, tossing the bag into the liquid. Sorry, honey. The water might've been too hot, burning some of the leafs, giving tea a rather bitter taste. But it's the thought that counts right?
He's just entering back to the bedroom with tea cup on his hand when he hears Akira to call him underneath the pile of blankets.]
What is it?
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Goro parts his lips and closes them again as he tries to catch the thread of the thoughts running in his mind. Then eventually:]
Sometimes I get this feeling that I can't be around others. It gets too much and I'm overwhelmed when I remember everything that I am. What I've done. Sometimes I feel just.. I'm being suffocated just by being, if that makes sense. It's not your fault and I never wanted you dead. Not really.
[The words just... burst out from him, it's like damp that's finally being over flooded and broken.]
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[When Goro bursts forward with his admission, Akira just smiles faintly, shifting to hold his arm out, covers held aside.] ...come here.
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Well, it isn't one that he didn't really see coming. Closing his mouth Goro blinks, takes a deep breath and scoots next to Akira.]
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Please never forget that I love everything you are. Even what you don't want people to see.
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There's something wrong with me, Akira. Hearing that.. doesn't make me happy. It brings me fear. [Fear and anxiety in front of the unknown, triggering his flight or fight response.]
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Mmn, not something wrong. You've just been through so much, without support and love for so long. It's natural, I think, to be scared of something like that. [He blinks slowly at him, eyes half-squinted closed in the warmth.] ...I'm a little scared of it, myself. Of love, and how much I love you, if that makes sense.
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You should be. We tend to run hot and burn out when we clash. [They truly are perfect foils to each other, contracting each other. A true rivals. One that can't exist without the other and so.]
I'm scared, Akira. [He admits quietly, whispering the words against Akira's neck.] Of you and myself.
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That's okay. We'll figure it out, yeah?
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Goro props his head up, to search Akira's eyes.]
I'm sorry. For everything. I didn't realize just how.. terrified the thought of losing you is.
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