A little, yes. [Goro admits. Jazz Jin was the only place in Tokyo aside from his barren apartment where he felt like he could breathe, and be himself. As much as he hates to admit he even misses the snarky barkeeper Muhen. Perhaps the only person aside from Akira he could feel comfortable to be around. ]
Lupin is great too, don't make a mistake about that. Now if you only could get a live performance there it'd be perfect. [He turns to look at Akira and grins a bit, placing his empty glass between them on the railing. He, too, closes his eyes and falls silent listening to the band playing in the background, allowing himself to be soothed by the music.
The song finishes and it seems like the band is taking a break.]
....Dazai-san is gone. [He says eventually, breaking the silence between them. The man's disappearance was an obvious thing. Yet neither of them had really mentioned it before.]
[Akira's smile pulls wider at Goro's admission, and his whole expression and posture soften when he goes on to say Lupin is also great. He's about to say he'll see what he can do about a live performance when--]
[--well. Obviously, given Dazai owned Lupin and had hired him, Akira knew he was gone. He'd intentionally neglected to say anything about it. He feels his face get a little warm with a strange sense of shame for having done so, and his smile fades.] ...yeah. [How did one go about a loss like Osamu Dazai? The man romanticized suicide like it was his greatest wish, but suggesting "maybe he finally killed himself" in a positive way felt Wrong, but...]
[The notion he'd just returned to his own existence outside of Aldrip sits like a stone in Akira's gut. Dazai was a relatively private person, but he'd have said something if it was intentional. Something silly, like "don't forget how to make piña coladas without me here to drink them!". So if he hadn't had any control over it...]
[The hand closest to Goro curls into a loose fist, so he doesn't reach out and take Goro's hand to soothe the anxious bubble in his chest.]
[Goro notices the change in Akira's posture. How could he not? It was like he had flipped a shift with just a mention of the name Osamu Dazai. Goro takes a deep breath, shoulders rising during the inhale and then relaxing back down when he exhales, long and hard through his nose.
It's understandable, though. Goro's not entirely sure how he felt about absence of Dazai himself. Publicly he hated the man and his existence. But alone in his mind? Who even knows. As much as he had grated on his nerves it'd be lie to say that he didn't have an impact on Goro. The way he'd call him out on his feelings, bring him booze and painkillers when he was bedridden with a fresh gunshot wound on his side, sit down and listen to him. Encourage him to see the thing with Akira through.
Biting on his lower lip, Goro moves his hand to place it on top of Akira's, an attempt to comfort the other.]
I know you miss him. He did have soft spot for you.
[Akira is startled by the hand, but immediately touched, posture pulling inward as he rotates his wrist to curl his fingers around Goro's.]
[For a long handful of seconds, he doesn't say anything. He can't find the right thing to say, not even a little. So he just scoots closer and leans to put his head against Goro's shoulder. He hopes that since Goro took his hand, this is an acceptable amount of contact where they could be seen.] He was a pretty cool boss, and a good friend. To you, also, I think.
[When Akira moves Goro reaches to pick up the glass from between them to avoid it from dropping down, moving it to his other side to make more room for Akira. He allows the contact, fingers squeezing lightly around the others hoping this much closeness is enough to lift at least some of Akira's anxiety.
He feels like they're pair of injured animals. Licking each others wounds.
Just how much could one person, a practically stranger, touch their lives.]
I.. I never told you this but I-- [He pauses, swallowing around the words not entirely sure how to put out what is in his chest.] -- I had feelings for him, I think. I'm sorry.
[Dazai had definitely transcended "stranger", at least to Akira. Akira trusted him, liked him quite a bit, respected him. He appreciates that Goro allows the closeness, closing his eyes and just leaning there.]
[He processes Goro's statement slowly, opening his eyes again and staring at Goro's kneecap for a long moment. Then he picks his head up and stares at him blankly, before his eyebrows hike toward his hairline.] Wh-- you thought I didn't realize? Goro-- [A small smile, and he reaches out to grasp the base of his neck and pull Goro forward, putting their foreheads together.] I love you, but you are not subtle when you have a hateboner for someone.
[Goro Akechi is not someone who has crushes on other people. Such emotion feels far too mundane and pointless to him. So, realizing that he harbored something alike to it towards Osamu Dazai out of all people... Had been shocking, enough to make him act out in violence to prevent himself from falling apart.
Such feelings were only reserved for one person. The one who had captured his heart like a clever thief ---
So, excuse him Akira, if he balks when you just... Push past the confession he had guarded so heavily in his chest so easily. Eyes widening the color quickly drains from his face, but returns in deep red of embarrassment.] You -- I, what?! I didn't have a.. a hateboner, you asshole!
[With his lips pulling back into a tight frown Goro allows himself to be pulled forward. The touch is not too intimate yet, and could be interpreted as friendly confrontation.]
Fuck you. What about you then? What kind of boner did you have for the man?
[Goro's eyes narrow in disapproval at the comment. The urge to hit Akira on the head or push him off the rail is strong. If only there was another lake beneath them...]
Well. I'm quite sure he felt something similar towards you, if it makes you feel any better. It's only too bad you missed your chance with him.
Hm. [A huff of air and sneer leaves from his lips. Strangely enough, Dazai-san might just as well be the one person who he refused to push Akira towards to. Others he could in his own self-loathing somewhat see and understand. But not that man. Perhaps it was due to his own feelings or the fact that he saw so much of himself in the man.
Out of all people, perhaps even more than Akira, Dazai-san had believed in the possibility to change when it came to Goro and himself. Even if their souls were dark as black it didn't mean they couldn't do something good in this world.
Which leads him to the next point... ]
I'm closing the office. It was Dazai-san's idea after all and people liked him, not me. [He was disliked and didn't enjoy from the trust of people here. Which he realizes very well to be because of his own actions here. He did seem to lack the needed charm to make bonds with people when it wasn't forced and fabricated. ]
After failing my own sentencing? [He snorts and shakes his head.] Hardly.
[Goro casts his own gaze down at their joined hands, fingers squeezing lightly around the others.] I envy you. You've managed to find your place in here.
[Goro stays quiet for a bit after that comment, mulling its meaning in his mind as he bites gently on his cheek. Akira was a great actor, able to show all kinds of faces and wear suitable masks for each situation. It was just like Kotone's crime of duplicity.
Or like him.
But just like Goro had given up on his mask for Akira, he trusted that the other did the same.]
[He registers the weight behind Goro's question, but doesn't quite know how to answer it. So he just sags into him a little, shrugging the shoulder not pressed to Goro's side.] I'unno. I'm not unhappy, I just... [He shakes his head again, but doesn't explain further.]
[Goro looks briefly down at Akira as he slumps against him. Yeah, he thinks he has an idea of what Akira means. This is now their home, whether they liked it or not and all they can do is to make best out of it. He wonders how they must look like to others. They are romantically involved, live together and house a cat. Very domestic and picturesque, Goro supposes. Yet something was missing.
Sighing deep Goro lets go of Akira's hand, snaking his arm around the other's back to support him.]
There's a man called Silco living in Aldrip. He is building an empire of businesses, gathering influence and political power. [He hums, looking up and staring back at the party through the windows.] I threatened him last month with Call of Chaos.
[Akira hopes, for Goro's sake, that any onlookers would assume Akira himself is drunk and Goro is just a friend looking after his intoxicated companion. He would sooner be dancing with Goro in front of them all, but something about having Goro emboldens him. Like a missing puzzle piece he never quite realized was absent until he had it.]
[He angles his head to look at Goro as he speaks without picking it up off his shoulder, and hums in reply. He'd met Silco, but they'd not exchanged names, so he's none the wiser.] That sounds like you. Someone's always going to be seeking power, though... [Sitting up a little, he bumps his hip into Goro's.] If you decide to go apeshit on anybody you better tell me so I can come along, yeah?
Yes. Especially when taking into consideration what kind of people tend to be brought here. [Aside from a few odd ducklings they're all supposed to be criminals, right? They're bunch of degenerates, violent criminals and other scum from the bottom of the barrel. Honestly, it was only matter of time before someone like Silco showed up, trying to fill in the power vacuum.]
He is like those good for nothing, sorry excuses for human shit who used to fawn around Shido. [Or rather, Silco was like Shido. He could see so many similarities between the men that even thinking about it made the hairs on his back to stand up and stomach curl.
Goro grits down on his teeth and takes a deep breath through his nose, body tensing up.] I'll let you know if I see further actions necessary. I only perceived him as a threat. [A threat to their home.]
I think... deep down, most people want power. [He shifts to mirror Goro's action of an arm around him to support him in response to his tensing, craning his neck carefully at an angle to press his lips to the side of his neck. From the way he's done it, it'd be nearly impossible for someone inside to see what he'd actually done.]
[It's a eat-or-be-eaten world, indeed. People are ugly and greedy, always looking to step on those weaker than them. Not that Goro thought himself to be any better than that---
The light brush of the lips against his skin does the trick, making the tension leave him and make his posture slump down a bit. Deflating like a balloon. Luckily for Goro, it really did seem like Akira was whispering something to his ear, saving him from the embarrassment. ]
You'll tell me too, right? After all, bartenders hear all the juicy gossip first.
[He lingers, pressing another few kisses to his neck and holding him up with his arm, with the way he deflated. It's about all he can do to not drop them both sideways and make right the fuck out with him. He hums, smiling against his neck, and rumbles an affirmative sound without actually speaking.]
[Goro breathes out contently, feeling a shy butterfly flutter in his stomach as Akira keeps peppering kisses on his neck. It's daring, but that's what he likes about Akira. Pushing just on the right buttons without going overboard with it, challenging Goro further.
Like in testing the limits in the public displays of affection.
Instead of pushing Akira away, Goro cocks his head slightly to the side, silently telling him to go on.]
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Lupin is great too, don't make a mistake about that. Now if you only could get a live performance there it'd be perfect. [He turns to look at Akira and grins a bit, placing his empty glass between them on the railing. He, too, closes his eyes and falls silent listening to the band playing in the background, allowing himself to be soothed by the music.
The song finishes and it seems like the band is taking a break.]
....Dazai-san is gone. [He says eventually, breaking the silence between them. The man's disappearance was an obvious thing. Yet neither of them had really mentioned it before.]
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[--well. Obviously, given Dazai owned Lupin and had hired him, Akira knew he was gone. He'd intentionally neglected to say anything about it. He feels his face get a little warm with a strange sense of shame for having done so, and his smile fades.] ...yeah. [How did one go about a loss like Osamu Dazai? The man romanticized suicide like it was his greatest wish, but suggesting "maybe he finally killed himself" in a positive way felt Wrong, but...]
[The notion he'd just returned to his own existence outside of Aldrip sits like a stone in Akira's gut. Dazai was a relatively private person, but he'd have said something if it was intentional. Something silly, like "don't forget how to make piña coladas without me here to drink them!". So if he hadn't had any control over it...]
[The hand closest to Goro curls into a loose fist, so he doesn't reach out and take Goro's hand to soothe the anxious bubble in his chest.]
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It's understandable, though. Goro's not entirely sure how he felt about absence of Dazai himself. Publicly he hated the man and his existence. But alone in his mind? Who even knows. As much as he had grated on his nerves it'd be lie to say that he didn't have an impact on Goro. The way he'd call him out on his feelings, bring him booze and painkillers when he was bedridden with a fresh gunshot wound on his side, sit down and listen to him. Encourage him to see the thing with Akira through.
Biting on his lower lip, Goro moves his hand to place it on top of Akira's, an attempt to comfort the other.]
I know you miss him. He did have soft spot for you.
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[For a long handful of seconds, he doesn't say anything. He can't find the right thing to say, not even a little. So he just scoots closer and leans to put his head against Goro's shoulder. He hopes that since Goro took his hand, this is an acceptable amount of contact where they could be seen.] He was a pretty cool boss, and a good friend. To you, also, I think.
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He feels like they're pair of injured animals. Licking each others wounds.
Just how much could one person, a practically stranger, touch their lives.]
I.. I never told you this but I-- [He pauses, swallowing around the words not entirely sure how to put out what is in his chest.] -- I had feelings for him, I think. I'm sorry.
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[He processes Goro's statement slowly, opening his eyes again and staring at Goro's kneecap for a long moment. Then he picks his head up and stares at him blankly, before his eyebrows hike toward his hairline.] Wh-- you thought I didn't realize? Goro-- [A small smile, and he reaches out to grasp the base of his neck and pull Goro forward, putting their foreheads together.] I love you, but you are not subtle when you have a hateboner for someone.
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Such feelings were only reserved for one person. The one who had captured his heart like a clever thief ---
So, excuse him Akira, if he balks when you just... Push past the confession he had guarded so heavily in his chest so easily. Eyes widening the color quickly drains from his face, but returns in deep red of embarrassment.] You -- I, what?! I didn't have a.. a hateboner, you asshole!
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It was a little bit of a hateboner. But thank you for telling me. I know how much you guard those pesky emotions.
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Fuck you. What about you then? What kind of boner did you have for the man?
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[Sitting back, he tilts his head.] Sort of equal parts regular old Oh-No-He's-Hot boner, He-Did-A-Lot-For-Me boner, and I'm-Too-Horny-To-Live boner?
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Well. I'm quite sure he felt something similar towards you, if it makes you feel any better. It's only too bad you missed your chance with him.
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I wouldn't have taken it anyway. [He finds Goro's hand again, lacing their fingers.]
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Out of all people, perhaps even more than Akira, Dazai-san had believed in the possibility to change when it came to Goro and himself. Even if their souls were dark as black it didn't mean they couldn't do something good in this world.
Which leads him to the next point... ]
I'm closing the office. It was Dazai-san's idea after all and people liked him, not me. [He was disliked and didn't enjoy from the trust of people here. Which he realizes very well to be because of his own actions here. He did seem to lack the needed charm to make bonds with people when it wasn't forced and fabricated. ]
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I'm sure the people you dealt with respected you, if nothing else. Dazai wouldn't have let you work with him if not.
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[Goro casts his own gaze down at their joined hands, fingers squeezing lightly around the others.] I envy you. You've managed to find your place in here.
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I'm a really good actor, Goro. I blend in so people don't look twice.
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Or like him.
But just like Goro had given up on his mask for Akira, he trusted that the other did the same.]
..What would you like to change, then?
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Sighing deep Goro lets go of Akira's hand, snaking his arm around the other's back to support him.]
There's a man called Silco living in Aldrip. He is building an empire of businesses, gathering influence and political power. [He hums, looking up and staring back at the party through the windows.] I threatened him last month with Call of Chaos.
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[He angles his head to look at Goro as he speaks without picking it up off his shoulder, and hums in reply. He'd met Silco, but they'd not exchanged names, so he's none the wiser.] That sounds like you. Someone's always going to be seeking power, though... [Sitting up a little, he bumps his hip into Goro's.] If you decide to go apeshit on anybody you better tell me so I can come along, yeah?
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He is like those good for nothing, sorry excuses for human shit who used to fawn around Shido. [Or rather, Silco was like Shido. He could see so many similarities between the men that even thinking about it made the hairs on his back to stand up and stomach curl.
Goro grits down on his teeth and takes a deep breath through his nose, body tensing up.] I'll let you know if I see further actions necessary. I only perceived him as a threat. [A threat to their home.]
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Thank you.
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The light brush of the lips against his skin does the trick, making the tension leave him and make his posture slump down a bit. Deflating like a balloon. Luckily for Goro, it really did seem like Akira was whispering something to his ear, saving him from the embarrassment. ]
You'll tell me too, right? After all, bartenders hear all the juicy gossip first.
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Like in testing the limits in the public displays of affection.
Instead of pushing Akira away, Goro cocks his head slightly to the side, silently telling him to go on.]
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sappy soppy heartfelt gay what the fuck
oh gross... they are at it again
:weary: disgUSTAN
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